How can you tell if someone is being self-piteous or in need of genuine help?

PeachCream22 · Mar 06, 2014 at 09:16 AM

That was one of the big questions I had for myself. Was I complaining too much and being whiny, or was I just indulging in self-pity? If I was indulging, what was the cause? And the same for other people whom sometimes I find annoying whenever they rant to me several times a day. Were they being self-pitreous?

How do you know? How would you figure it out?

happiedasiy · Mar 06, 2014 at 10:56 AM

I think a person seeking a compassionate ear needs to be heard, validated, and help to move forward.

A self- piteous person is caught in a cycle of complaining with intent to seek pity for themselves. No action or no desire for a better outcome is not ready to hear help yet.

I think you can tell the difference because post after post you will notice small changes in attitude, tone, or perspective. These changes in reality take time and patience.

You would think ranting over and over telling the same story is helpful, I can't say for sure how many rants it takes one way or the other to get to the causation.

Both are in need of help and deserve compassion.
It is up to you to use your own discernment and how much energy to put forth.
H.

Nicks_Nose · Mar 07, 2014 at 08:26 AM

That is a difficult thing. Society today puts so much pressure on everyone to have a smile on their face and be calm at all times and that is simply not human. Things happen in life that naturally will trigger normal, healthy, emotions like anger, resentment, envy, sadness, frustration, defensiveness, etc. These emotions need to be released also in order for a person to maintain a healthy, well balanced, mind. If society keeps telling us we cannot display such emotions, where are we to release them and express them? A person might lean on somebody not to offer answers to their issues, but simply to allow them to release those pent up feelings. It is not direct at you, but simply being released in your direction, because it is the only place they feel they can, for the time being.

This world we live in is becoming less and less realistic as we go. Even in hospital, on the psych ward, the moment I began to voice my anger or frustration about anything, the doc was ordering sedatives. That is the sad state of affairs in our society.

Hellion · Mar 07, 2014 at 10:02 PM

why is it either or?...one could be being self piteous and still need genuine help.

PeachCream22 · Mar 09, 2014 at 07:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hellion

why is it either or?...one could be being self piteous and still need genuine help.

I apologize for my black and white way of thinking. Now that is interesting.. If so, how would you help them?

healingme4me · Mar 09, 2014 at 08:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PeachCream22

I apologize for my black and white way of thinking. Now that is interesting.. If so, how would you help them?

Is that snarky? I ask, tone hard to decipher across a computer screen..

self piteous, anything like victim mentality?

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

Hellion · Mar 09, 2014 at 08:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PeachCream22

I apologize for my black and white way of thinking. Now that is interesting.. If so, how would you help them?

Well it sort of depends, unforutnately I don't think there is really much I can do to help...aside from if they post something I can try to be supportive or IRL I'd try to be supportive and online or IRL if someone seemed to be thinking of suicide or self harm I'd recommend they get help for that...like go to the ER if need be and such. Also sometimes I can relate to peoples experiences so perhaps talking aobut my simular experiences can sometimes help make them feel understood or like someone can relate(maybe those things are somewhat helpful)

But yeah I have a hard enough time helping myself, so not very confident I'd be much help to someone else who's really having a difficult time aside from having understanding of how they feel.

Hellion · Mar 09, 2014 at 08:44 AM

Sometimes I wonder why it is seen as such a bad thing to pity ones self....I mean sure if you walk around 24/7 constantly going on about self pity it doesn't do any good and is likely to drive people away....but I think even healthy people may feel sorry for themselves at times. Just seems like when people especially mentally ill people are feeling that way there is a lot of guilt pushed on them...like 'you should stop feeling sorry for yourself' or 'its not that bad' guess I don't entirely understand how this guilt approach is supposed to help.

PeachCream22 · Mar 10, 2014 at 05:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Is that snarky? I ask, tone hard to decipher across a computer screen..

self piteous, anything like victim mentality?

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

No it wasn't. I was genuinely asking about it, because I really haven't thought about it being both ways at the same time. To be honest, this post is because I felt like I kept ranting to my friends for so many times about the same things, and I wanted to somehow learn more about whether i'm being self-piteous or I really do need help. But I guess it could also be both ways.

I guess it COULD be victim mentality. Self-pity can be in many ways, I think?

PeachCream22 · Mar 10, 2014 at 05:15 AM

Hellion: Thanks for your replies. Yes, I agree that self-pity is not entirely a bad thing, like all things, perhaps it should be in moderation. I was merely inquiring about those who really do need help and pity themselves everyday for years.

Thank you for the helpful feedback

It does help to know how you feel about it and what you have experienced so far.

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PeachCream22 Member Member Since Jul 2013 Location: The Happy Place Posts: 232 11 287 hugs given	Mar 06, 2014 at 09:16 AM #1 That was one of the big questions I had for myself. Was I complaining too much and being whiny, or was I just indulging in self-pity? If I was indulging, what was the cause? And the same for other people whom sometimes I find annoying whenever they rant to me several times a day. Were they being self-pitreous? How do you know? How would you figure it out?
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Hellion Grand Magnate Member Since Apr 2010 Location: Colorado Posts: 3,794 14 6 hugs given	Mar 07, 2014 at 10:02 PM #4 why is it either or?...one could be being self piteous and still need genuine help.
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PeachCream22 Member Member Since Jul 2013 Location: The Happy Place Posts: 232 11 287 hugs given	Mar 10, 2014 at 05:15 AM #10 Hellion: Thanks for your replies. Yes, I agree that self-pity is not entirely a bad thing, like all things, perhaps it should be in moderation. I was merely inquiring about those who really do need help and pity themselves everyday for years. Thank you for the helpful feedback It does help to know how you feel about it and what you have experienced so far.
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