[Aunt Donna]

I don't know how to deal with my mother's side of the family. When she needed the most, they didn't help her. They left her to struggle after her divorce. Other family members have went through the same thing and they helped with a place to live and care for their children. My mom's family didn't offer to help her. When she died, they let my brother, sister, and I know that they couldn't help with her final expenses. After we made the arrangements, they criticized us (one cousin openly became hostile toward me on facebook) because of the way we did things and let us know our grandmother would not approve of what we did or as they referred to her as "their" grandmother and we better not let her find out what we did. (We had her cremated because it was what we could afford, and our mother made us promise that she wouldn't be in the funeral home while we tried to come up with the money to bury her). None of her family came to the services or sent even a card. Two of my mom's nephews and one niece and a sister did call but they were where they couldn't make it. (My mom is from a large family and her mother is still alive.)

This happened in February. Now I receive an invitation to come to a family reunion for fun and play. Seriously! How do they expect me to come to a family reunion when they haven't acted like family?

[Lillybet]

My fathers family is like that, I have made the decision not to interact with them it's just not worth the Argo.
I think that families have their own dynamics. Some families are for each other through thick and thin, some get together when there is a threat to one of them, others enjoy the drama of conflict, others only want to be family through the good times.
I am not interested in going to family functions and pretend that all is wonderful. For me if the family is not prepared to dig together when things are tough then they aren't family, I just happen to be related to them.
Personally from what you have said I would not play their game and not go to the family function, it's not worth my peace of mind.

[Aunt Donna]

My sister and I have already decided to skip it. My brother and his wife and family may go. That's their choice.

The funny thing is, we don't have anything to do with our father (he abused my sister and me) and my mom divorced him when we were teenagers, but that side of our family called and checked us. They let us know that she was their aunt even though she divorced their uncle and my uncle and aunt said my mom was their friend. I can call and talk to them about anything. They have stood beside us. I now understand why my mom took care of my great-grandfather even though she divorced his grandson. She said they were her real family.

[Lillybet]

I have come to realise that family is not about genetics it's about care and concern for others. I was very lucky my hubby's family welcomed me with open arms and have just been wonderful. Mum was an only child and had no extended family and my fathers side are not my cup of tea. Family is where you find that sense of belonging.