Need to defend myself

I'm about to be fired, if I make one more mistake, and it's only a matter of time before I make that mistake. I'm so angry at myself. The boss and my coworkers think the worst of me. I know they're right, but I'm still angry about it.

I'm not going to have the opportunity to defend myself, so I want to do it here:

I'm sorry for all the things I did wrong. Many of them were honest mistakes, but I realize that you cannot allow them anyway.

I am sorry for overstepping my bounds at work. I was not doing it to weasel out any of my coworkers or usurp their positions. I just wanted to be helpful.

I am not bored with my position, nor do I think I'm too good to do this job. I like working here, and while I do eventually want to work up to a full time position, I find no shame of being where I'm at. I do want to be open to more opportunities, but people don't seem to think I am good enough for them. I understand that.

I want to be a good employee. I am trying to do better. I know you'll be saying I'm not trying hard enough, and I know you're right. I should be trying harder.

I cannot promise that I won't make these mistakes again. I will try with the best of my ability to avoid making stupid mistakes, but given my track record, the best of my ability may not be good enough.

I care about this job. I want this job. I am appreciative of this job. I do not think I'm too good to work. I want to earn my own living and be a useful, productive, gainfully employed person, and I am trying very hard not to make mistakes or draw attention to myself. I don't know why this is so hard for me.

Why not email your boss?
It sounds very heartfelt to me.

I hope you don't get fired

I think this sounds very honest and you sound very committed and a good person.

Can you not find a way to say this to your boss? As suggested by sophiesmom, by email maybe? xxx

If your Boss feels this way about you, time for a new job. If they are that intolerant, then it is time to look for a job with better people. Their accusations and unreal expectations, boil down to simple bullying and the need to control you. They can and will bully you, if they think they can get away with it. Most likely, some there, feel threatened by your good work.

Thank you, but my boss isn't being unfair in this one. She is very kind and forgiving, and I have squandered a lot of opportunities to redeem myself.

This is entirely my fault. The thing that precipitated this was that I volunteered to cover another shift for another employee and I forgot about it. I've done other stupid things in the past. Trust me, no one is jealous of my excellent conduct; they're fed up with dealing with my irresponsibility.

The problem is that I am not a good person. I get focused on my own s*** and get careless and forgetful. I'm not trying to be disrespectful and I'm not choosing to be selfish and irresponsible, but it seems like I always have an excuse for why I can't do what is expected of me. Isn't that a major hint that maybe I'm not the helpless victim, but that I'm the instigator of all my problems?

I do need to find another job so I can have a clean slate without all my past actions weighing over me, but it is entirely my fault I'm in this position.

Why make the same mistakes twice? I would write down the major mistakes I've made (like not showing up when I was supposed to take the other person's shift) and a way to make sure that doesn't happen again. Writing down your schedule (and then referring to it) might be a good start for that one?

Make yourself a habit to write things down and then read what you have written so you do not forget things. Everyone would forget things if they weren't written down, that's why doctor's give us little cards for when our next appointment is and why there are calendars and day books. If you have a cell phone, learn to use the features on it that might help you, including alarms, etc. Practice focusing; it is not automatic for anyone, we all have to learn to do it. Yes, it comes easier to some than others but everyone has to learn to do it and practice it before they can be good at it.

Does what is going on, in you head at work, match what was going on in your family while growing up? I think you may be rubber banding in to feelings you had, while growing up. Work and family situations are one and the same. You are bringing feelings, and words from your childhood into the work place. Self blaming is a sure sign of that.