Enough is enough, I'm just tired of being 'the better person'

I'm hated, I'm ridiculed, people laugh at me, I'm just a big freaking joke to them. I'm suffering everyday, they just won't leave me the heck alone. My face is my face, what is I do is what I do, I don't want anyone's judgement. I don't judge anyone else either....

I'm in pain, I'm depressed as ****, I can barely function, I skip meals, I forget things, I fall asleep, I just try to get by everyday, I want to survive, but people around me, they circle around me like vultures waiting to pick my carcass apart, my carcass is whatever's still left of me. I'm a rotten, empty shell of what I used to be, but they still won't leave me alone. They still want to pick the meat out of my bones.

I beg them 'please leave me alone, I don't want your jokes about how my hair's thinning at the front, or how I look 35 when I'm still 22 years old' I don't look 35, I've lost a little bit of hair.... I'm not even bald... far from it... Yes, I am big loser, I'm an idiot, but please don't remind me of it, Please, it hurts like hell, it deflates me, I feel like a hideous, deformed freak. I'm sorry my appearance causes such discomfort, but please don't hurt me, I am ugly on the outside to them, but I still have feelings... I get hurt, I'm very, very sensitive.

I don't even know who I'm talking to right now, is this just a rant, or is this directed at them, I don't know, I don't really care anymore. Maybe I should dress up like a clown and walk around, AT LEAST I'D GET LAUGHED AT FOR BEING A CLOWN.

I've just had enough.... there's only so much I can take.

I tell my problems to others, they don't give a damn, it doesn't matter to them. if that's not bad enough, I have problems I can't tell anybody..... I'm crumbling... I'm falling apart...

[gayleggg]

I think here you will find understanding and compassion. It's a great place to get support and a good place just to rant. Something about writing it down seems to help and there is always someone hear to listen.

I'm sorry you are having such insensitive people around you. I'm sure you are being to hard on yourself. We all have good and bad qualities. I'm sure you have a lot of good ones, too. It's just hard to see them when you've been hurt by others.

Keep posting. Let the anger out.

Originally Posted by gayleggg

I think here you will find understanding and compassion. It's a great place to get support and a good place just to rant. Something about writing it down seems to help and there is always someone hear to listen.

It does, I mean writing it down does help.... now I'm feeling better, but I have to go deal with the same people again...

I'm sorry you are having such insensitive people around you. I'm sure you are being to hard on yourself. We all have good and bad qualities. I'm sure you have a lot of good ones, too. It's just hard to see them when you've been hurt by others.

Keep posting. Let the anger out.

Thank you All this pent up anger.... needs to go out....

Originally Posted by brokenentity

Enough is enough, I'm just tired of being 'the better person'

I'm hated, I'm ridiculed, people laugh at me, I'm just a big freaking joke to them. I'm suffering everyday, they just won't leave me the heck alone. My face is my face, what is I do is what I do, I don't want anyone's judgement. I don't judge anyone else either....

I'm in pain, I'm depressed as ****, I can barely function, I skip meals, I forget things, I fall asleep, I just try to get by everyday, I want to survive, but people around me, they circle around me like vultures waiting to pick my carcass apart, my carcass is whatever's still left of me. I'm a rotten, empty shell of what I used to be, but they still won't leave me alone. They still want to pick the meat out of my bones.

I beg them 'please leave me alone, I don't want your jokes about how my hair's thinning at the front, or how I look 35 when I'm still 22 years old' I don't look 35, I've lost a little bit of hair.... I'm not even bald... far from it... Yes, I am big loser, I'm an idiot, but please don't remind me of it, Please, it hurts like hell, it deflates me, I feel like a hideous, deformed freak. I'm sorry my appearance causes such discomfort, but please don't hurt me, I am ugly on the outside to them, but I still have feelings... I get hurt, I'm very, very sensitive.

I don't even know who I'm talking to right now, is this just a rant, or is this directed at them, I don't know, I don't really care anymore. Maybe I should dress up like a clown and walk around, AT LEAST I'D GET LAUGHED AT FOR BEING A CLOWN.

I've just had enough.... there's only so much I can take.

I tell my problems to others, they don't give a damn, it doesn't matter to them. if that's not bad enough, I have problems I can't tell anybody..... I'm crumbling... I'm falling apart...

I really do understand what your going through. But can I please just say one thing that I want you to keep in mind? No matter what they say about you (i.e. the comments that you said about yourself because they have been said by them) You are letting them get inside your head and take control. You have to remind yourself you are not that, that you are a much better person than the things being said, that you now have come to believe.

Now as far as dressing up as a clown, let me know when you do, that away, if I were to see you I can run before I faint right in front of you. I am highly terrified of clowns! LOL (was hoping, maybe getting a smile, at least I hope I did...)

If you don't mind me asking are you on depression medications?

If you are or not you might want to look at this information.
How To Choose The Best Antidepressant For You

Originally Posted by FWAH2014

I really do understand what your going through. But can I please just say one thing that I want you to keep in mind? No matter what they say about you (i.e. the comments that you said about yourself because they have been said by them) You are letting them get inside your head and take control. You have to remind yourself you are not that, that you are a much better person than the things being said, that you now have come to believe.

Now as far as dressing up as a clown, let me know when you do, that away, if I were to see you I can run before I faint right in front of you. I am highly terrified of clowns! LOL (was hoping, maybe getting a smile, at least I hope I did...)

If you don't mind me asking are you on depression medications?

If you are or not you might want to look at this information.
How To Choose The Best Antidepressant For You

I'm feeling a lot better than earlier...

I did smile, at first I thought, 'why would someone say that', but then I read the whole thing

I'm not on any meds, but thanks....

Hi Brokenentity: Well... I'm glad you're feeling better than you did earlier. You were sounding pretty low. It is certainly nice to have a place like PC where you can sound-off & know that you won't be judged for it. BTW, I have this big bald spot on the crown of my head &, over the years my hairline in front receded. My hair used to be fairly short. But a few months ago I decided to let it grow out to see if I could hide some of my baldness. It works reasonably well. The irritating thing is that the man who lives next door to me is older than I am. He has gray hair & a brush cut. And he has no bald spots at all! None! Life is so unfair...

Originally Posted by The Skeezyks

Hi Brokenentity: Well... I'm glad you're feeling better than you did earlier. You were sounding pretty low. It is certainly nice to have a place like PC where you can sound-off & know that you won't be judged for it. BTW, I have this big bald spot on the crown of my head &, over the years my hairline in front receded. My hair used to be fairly short. But a few months ago I decided to let it grow out to see if I could hide some of my baldness. It works reasonably well. The irritating thing is that the man who lives next door to me is older than I am. He has gray hair & a brush cut. And he has no bald spots at all! None! Life is so unfair...

I know lol, its unfair... I'm not even close to being bald but people... ah forget it...

there's a bigger why I don't want to lose my hair... I know that you know. and some other people here know... but I can't tell anyone in real life about it...

[Sad&Bipolar]

I am so glad you found this site for support. I didn't read all the replies. I just want you to know that people on this site care, and accept you as is. No one will laugh at you here. I have a lot of respect for you to reach out share your aggravation. You deserve to be treated with dignity. You are a valuable member of society, even though the ones laughing haven't realized that yet. Who cares about them! They are hurtful and not deserving of any of your time. Please don't let them continue to live in your head. Try to stop thinking about them--they aren't worth it.

I tend to get to the point of not caring anymore. Usually I am in the depression zone of my bipolar gift. Chatting online sometimes helps. Eventually, whatever is bothering me does not seem so important anymore. Bad feelings do fade. Hang in there.

I wish for you a better tomorrow.

Originally Posted by Sad&Bipolar

I am so glad you found this site for support. I didn't read all the replies. I just want you to know that people on this site care, and accept you as is. No one will laugh at you here. I have a lot of respect for you to reach out share your aggravation. You deserve to be treated with dignity. You are a valuable member of society, even though the ones laughing haven't realized that yet. Who cares about them! They are hurtful and not deserving of any of your time. Please don't let them continue to live in your head. Try to stop thinking about them--they aren't worth it.

I tend to get to the point of not caring anymore. Usually I am in the depression zone of my bipolar gift. Chatting online sometimes helps. Eventually, whatever is bothering me does not seem so important anymore. Bad feelings do fade. Hang in there.

I wish for you a better tomorrow.

I love this place, It prevents me from 'exploding'.