[monkeybrains21]

Is there a pt where as humans we can only hold so much anger in before we are just so consumed by it we no longer have any other emotion?

I ask this because I am angry all the time, so angry I feel I could go on a rampage and destroy everything and everyone in my path. I try to contain, I don't want to be the cause of the cycle of abuse continuing in my family and my partners family. I try so hard to be good but I feel completely evil and dark inside. It's a part of me that I can't get rid of.

[regretful]

That's a rough feeling to have, and carrying it around can be even worse. My anger is related to my deep depression - it is anger turned towards myself. I don't lash out at others because I know how angry I can get. I think anger can be understood and short-circuited before it is expressed. If you don't want the cycle of abuse continuing, the manage that anger in any way you can, especially if you were part of that cycle of abuse as a victim. By the way, I mean this all respectfully, and not as a prescription.

Yes, I carry around this kind of anger too. And I do think that this kind of pent-up anger eats away at one over time. I don't know what the answer is either. Therapy is the obvious answer, I suppose, although I haven't had much success with it over the years. I would still recommend giving it a try if you haven't already. I don't believe one can keep pushing this sort of thing down year-after-year & not suffer some serious consequences.

[monkeybrains21]

I've had a T for 3yrs, I just don't let ppl close. I'm trying to change. T wants me on meds but I'd have to go elsewhere. Can't afford T and another just for meds. I don't know what to do. Instead of getting better I think I'm getting edgier and my anger is always quick to surface.

Take some kind of action to deal with your anger. It's toxic. My sister is in her 60's and over several decades she's allowed anger/bitterness/rage to foment...she's enraged at everything and everyone, at life in general, blames the universe for her choices...at this point no one can stand being around her. It's horrid to see someone who was once so bright and shiny become a terrible person. Please find ways to deal with your anger. Best to you~

[Black_Raynebow23]

Hey MonkeyBrains21, I think it would be best to release the anger safely, so it doesn't build up too much. Holding anger could harm you or cause you to harm others, which clearly you don't want. By safely, I mean boxing a punching bag or destroying an old junk car. My uncle had issues with anger & those were some methods he used. He created what he called the "Mad as Hell" room, lol! It was a small room that had cardboard boxes, paper, wood chairs, etc, basically anything that could torn apart. He'd sometimes go in there for hours just screaming & tearing things apart. It was really therapeutic & he was always much calmer afterwards. I hope this helped in someway.

[monkeybrains21]

I workout excessively sometimes for hrs a day not just so I can get rid of excess energy to sleep but also to get rid of some anger. It doesn't help for very long. It just comes from nowhere or the littlest thing will set me off. I also paint. Nothing I can do these days seems to help

[rhcpfan713]

i too am consumed with anger.. i'm angry about my illnesses, angry about injustices in the world, angry at myself, life, etc.. i am working on this with my therapist bc i tend to end up hurting myself. i just want to punch things, and bang my head against the wall, etc. nothing gives me relief from that feeling except using substances, which is not the answer, but it's better than another hole in the wall right? ugh. i empathize with you

This may be completely off base, but little things have always set me off as well... sometimes worse than bigger things! I understand that anger management is what is sometimes referred to as an "executive function" of the brain. I believe it is centered in the frontal lobe. For reasons I won't go into, I've sometimes wondered if I may have sustained some damage to that part of my brain. It makes sense to me. I've never pursued this with any medical professionals I've seen. I've been taking Cymbalta (120mg. / day) for about 2 years now. It hasn't really done that much for my depression. But the one thing that it has done, & the primary reason I stay on it, is that it has taken away that "hair-trigger" I always used to have.

[monkeybrains21]

Originally Posted by The Skeezyks

This may be completely off base, but little things have always set me off as well... sometimes worse than bigger things! I understand that anger management is what is sometimes referred to as an "executive function" of the brain. I believe it is centered in the frontal lobe. For reasons I won't go into, I've sometimes wondered if I may have sustained some damage to that part of my brain. It makes sense to me. I've never pursued this with any medical professionals I've seen. I've been taking Cymbalta (120mg. / day) for about 2 years now. It hasn't really done that much for my depression. But the one thing that it has done, & the primary reason I stay on it, is that it has taken away that "hair-trigger" I always used to have.

I believe the frontal lobe is the center for impulse control. I have had quite a few concussions some very serious do to my father and sports primarily. I know I have problems with impulses. I want to cut I used to but haven't done that in a few yrs. that was my anger control. Before that pot. Now I got nothing. I try so hard to contain my impulses until in away from ppl. But really I just feel the impulse to punch ppl in the face.

Other impulses have been affected. I hate shopping, mainly cuz it bores me to be in one place so long. But also because I feel the need to buy whatever I want and I don't have money to spend. I impulsively went to college 7000miles from home. I impulsively went to military bases got wasted and **** happened. I impulsively bought a surf board and a bunch of bud. I impulsively took drugs, swam with sharks, and decided to pretend to be into guys.

Then I impulsively got with a girl and were together with her for 2 abusive yrs where I did more drugs and cut a lot. My last cut I impulsively did in a fight with her in front of a lot of ppl. I wound up standing in a tub until I got it to stop bleeding. I impulsively had sex in clubs and at school and in cars, the list goes on.
I don't think I have too much impulse control left, if at all.

[H3rmit]

I've smashed things, done heavy workouts in the gym, biked hills very hard, done heavy labour, done art & writing, all to get rid of anger. The only thing that helped a lot was meditation.

If only it would work for the apathy I now feel.

[monkeybrains21]

I've tried valerian, it works well with making me give up my anger but only when I'm on it. Same with passionflower but now they don't seem to work so well. It's like my anger has grown and they can't battle it.

When I lose it I have this uncontrollable need to punch. It's every few months I lose it and punch things. It bloodies and bruises my knuckles. The rage slowly recedes but never completely. I feel constantly ready for a fight and relish the coming fight. Just the thought of my fist hitting someone's face and drawing blood is a charge. The thought of receiving blows makes it that much better. I just feel this need to bloody and be bloodied.

[Sad&Bipolar]

monkeybrains21, The feelings and behaviors you mentioned in your third post in this thread sound a lot bipolar manic episodes. It seems like you described the type of roller coaster I have been experiencing. I too become extremely irritated inappropriately at almost nothing. I am going from laughing, calm, even behavior, to extreme feelings of anger in a snap.

You said you have been with the same T for 3 years. Perhaps you may want to search for a different T - one who has a lot of experience in helping people specifically with anger. There are coping skills to learn to reach self-control. I read in an anger management manual that screaming, and hitting things don't really work as they perpetuate aggressive behavior.

If others have hurt you, why are you so angry with yourself? You are a person who deserves to be treated with dignity. Please treat yourself with dignity. I certainly respect you. It can be very hard to self-disclose in posts like this, but you have done it quite well.

One person mentioned that meditation helped. I think this is a good suggestion. Practicing deep breathing can calm you down. It slows your heart rate, and puts you in a calm state, physiologically. It can't hurt to try this technique. Ask your T to help you with that. Your T can do visualizations with you that promote calmness.

Most of all, do things you enjoy, like painting. Give yourself some rewards. And be kind to yourself. You may also try to stay away from abusive people. I hope your Thursday will be better.

[QuietSoul2014]

When I explode, I don't hurt anyone or myself. Apparently, I scare people, though. My anger, though, begets anger. I'm angry because I can't control my anger any longer. I explode and yell a lot and then have a big cry and then go back to controlling for a long time before it happens again. It's exhausting. It's the cycle for pretty much my whole life. I'm tired of it and wish I could change but I don't know how.

[monkeybrains21]

As far as I know I'm not bipolar. I know hitting things makes it worse. I only hit things so I can bleed. Bleeding us the only thing I know that diffuses me very quickly. I have tried meditation, can't sit still very long usually if at all. Even when I'm completely exhausted I continuously move. Drives my partner crazy. It makes her ver anxious and uncomfortable. That's y I workout a lot.

I'm always angry with myself because I know I don't belong where I am. My parents stole every opportunity for me to excel. I was supposed to go to special schools and skip grades instead my parents made me stay put. Instead I got into a lot of trouble, fights and all. In grade school I skipped lots of classes and instead dismantled engines.
I was consistently prevented from doing anything I really enjoyed.

I can disclose a lot here due to the lack of repercussions. Although there is still a lot even I won't say. I try to tell T a bit at a time, but she thinks I'm trying to shock her. I tell her she can ask me anything I won't lie. I gave here quite a few pages of some of my past I recall. Told her didn't want to talk about it, but decided that wasn't very rational. Who wouldn't want to know if I can remember more.

Now posting some of my impulses I don't think was too smart of me. Honestly I knew what I did and what happened but was able to push it all away. But after posting that, wow last night was awful. Couldn't forget had a hard time falling asleep with all that coming back.