I am constantly feeling unwanted even if I am around people since I am not really close to anyone. I always have this nagging feeling people only invite me out of obligation or pity and really don't want me around. Also feel down and depressed a lot. Sometimes I just break down if I feel depressed and lonely enough.

[CANDC]

Hi BPHS, sorry to hear you are feeling down. More sleep and daily exercise (like yoga from youtube) helps me. So does having small regular meals to control my mood swings. I found some volunteer work with seniors in nursing homes. I tried reading to them or talking with them. It seemed to give me a boost.

[glok]

Hello, PHS2010. Have you thought about why you feel unwanted? Can you identify any behavior or other causes?

[winter4me]

Are you interested in the people you are around? Do you express an interest? Do you ask others to do things with you?

Originally Posted by glok

Hello, PHS2010. Have you thought about why you feel unwanted? Can you identify any behavior or other causes?

The reason I feel unwanted is because in the past I have found out several times that after hanging out with someone or a group of people, I was never wanted. And it happened with several different people, not just one. Someone befriended me out of pity, a group of people invited me somewhere out of politeness and a couple times I was even invited to a graduation party only to find out later I was never wanted there. Thankfully I was not there long. One person actually kept on asking me when I was going to leave the party only after five minutes of me being there. I was there for a total of ten or fifteen minutes then got the hint and left. And now Also I have been used a lot since I used to not be as assertive but I am way more assertive now and avoid being used a lot more now. Being used is not my biggest worry since I am more assertive, it is people befriending me out of pity or obligation that worry me.

[glok]

Those people have the problem. I hope you can find people to befriend that are less judgemental and mean.

Originally Posted by winter4me

Are you interested in the people you are around? Do you express an interest? Do you ask others to do things with you?

Yes I am interested and express interest but when I ask someone to hang out, I am their last option. It is always them saying they will only hang out with me if they have no one else to hang out with so basically I am a back up friend to other people. That is why I don't really hang out with people anymore and really don't ask people to hang out anymore since I feel like a burden to others.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by BPHS2010

I always have this nagging feeling people only invite me out of obligation or pity and really don't want me around.

I always figured only relatives did that to me. Friends and people I hang out with don't have to (though one of my best friends from high school did only seem to call me so I could drive she and her friends places, I could borrow a car and she couldn't, but I saw through that without any problem).

Have you ever thought to work on your self esteem by just assuming people invite you because they "like" you? Say something like, "thanks for thinking of me, I had a good time" when you split from whoever invited you? Just looking interested and listening can go a long way, you don't have to be the life of a group. I know it took me a long time to realize that how I looked/my face, whether I was smiling and appearing interested, etc. could make a difference in people approaching/wanting me.

If people invite me more than once, I just assume they "want" me there, even the relatives who are feeling they "have" to. I figure you can't make me do something I really don't want to so others are at least like me there. If I didn't like someone, if they were a drag, I wouldn't invite them to something voluntarily, something I did not have to (family) just because I felt sorry for them -- all the people I like would be there, why invite someone I don't? I have been around people who have invited people around me but not me to things in my presence? If I am going to feel unwanted, I try to at least also appreciate the "kindness" of someone inviting me because they don't want me to feel left out (unwanted). There's two sides of their motive/personality? They do not want me to feel unwanted/they want (invite) me. It would be unkind of me not to reciprocate and feel wanted/invited Being invited is being invited, who cares about what I think the other person's motive was, which is just a guess on my part, not something I can know without asking them? In other words, it's all in my head

[winter4me]

I am sorry. I hope you can find new people to associate with, outside of the people you currently have contact with...and things you like to do with or without others...

[risenfrominsanity]

Hi BPHS!
I don't know where you live or services available to you. A great way to connected to the community and other people can be a peer specialist or a volunteer from compeer. They are people with mental illness like myself that help you connect in the community and with other people. That's what I do for a living. I truly enjoy being with others helping them out. You may want to look into as an option. I hope you get to feeling better.

[plynstrom261]

Hi there. I understand exactly how you are feeling. What is it that makes you think they're only inviting you out of pity? I don't think this is true. I know from personal experience that when I have thought this to be the case - it wasn't. People won't choose to spend time with someone that they don't get enjoyment out of spending time with.

Stay strong and positive and feel better soon!!

Originally Posted by plynstrom261

Hi there. I understand exactly how you are feeling. What is it that makes you think they're only inviting you out of pity? I don't think this is true. I know from personal experience that when I have thought this to be the case - it wasn't. People won't choose to spend time with someone that they don't get enjoyment out of spending time with.

Stay strong and positive and feel better soon!!

The reason I feel that way is because I have been told by others that certain people only hang out with me out of pity or obligation and have even annoyed people without realizing it since I thought we were friends but in their minds they really didn't like me which lead to me unknowingly annoying the crap out of them.

[CANDC]

Dear BPHS
I do think the people that treat you that way have a problem. Maybe they really aren't nice people because they are treating you poorly.
Sometimes the people I like to hang out with are ones that really respect me and have common ground around an area I am interested like exercise, or painting pictures, or writing poetry. Something that means a lot to me, that another person shares is often the good basis for a budding friendship. Sometimes a class is a better place to meet someone than a social gathering.