[Kitcatluver]

Saying this right know its kind of a long rant about what happened today and my emotional breakdown because of it.

Out of all my "problems" I think everything boils down to emotion issues and issues on coping. I'm freakishly sensitive when it comes to emotions. A teacher would correct me and I'd break down crying. And see a cat and I'd start crying. I'd think of something random and I'd start crying my mom yelling at me ect. ect.
So I have PE first thing in the morning and on Friday we had to run 8 laps (it's a pretty average track 4 laps is a mile 8 is 2) I'm not a runner and I'm not very fit. I'm tiny and small but not fit. Well Saturday my left leg had a small ache to it. No big deal I knew it was from running so much the day before. Sunday the lower left hand corner of my back was hurting but it wasn't to bad until I had to go to bed. I had to take meds anyway (allergy and over the counter sleep stuf) so I took a pain reliever ibuprofen and went to bed an hour later. Next morning (today) I was fine a mild ache maybe in the beginning of the day. First period we had a walk jog around the track but since I talked to the teacher about my back I got out of running and walked a mile. Next period I was sitting in class all day not using the muscle so why would it hurt, right? Well I get up and the end of class and nearly fell over in pain. It felt like someone taking my muscle and w ripping tread by tread. I was limping to my next class because putting pressure on my leg hurt. I asked the teacher to go to the nurse he said to wait a bit longer. We have a five min break in the middle of the class because of how the day plays out so I ask then if my friend can take me to the nurse after nearly falling off the risers I was on (its CHIOR class) he let me. I'm in the nurses office for about an hour waiting for someone to come pick me up while the nurse phone calls home and makes me sound like the idiot who should've took pain reliever that morning. My grandma finally comes and picks me up.
I'm almost down with my little backstory so hold on a min.
I've been absent a lot this year (more that probably any other school year) and my mom wasn't too happy when she heard I wanted to go home for a "small backache that would be cured with a dose of pain meds" she comes to pick me up and the first words she says to me come out grumpy and mad and aggravated and then she yells at me for going home. And I broke down. I had enough. My grandma was nice and came to pick me up the nurses were nice to let me go home and if it was really an issue they wouldn't have sent me home. And I told my mom that my back was hurting to the fact that I couldn't walk. I told her to imagine how I feel because if my moms not mad at someone she's not happy.

A long story to basically say: I shouldn't have gotten as upset as I did.

I mean little things like that
I started crying for no reason in the can goods section in Walmart for no reason what so ever then later that night I got in trouble for my anger issues (I threw my brothers stuff and a keyboard for a computer out of my room)

And that's another thing is my mood swings themselves. Ill feel my moods change anywhere between min to hours to days. My parents pass it off as PMS and it annoys me. I know girls and "hormonal imbalances" is messed up and makes girls kinda insane. I'm a girl I've been there but there is no way that my everyday life is caused by an insane case of PMS. I refuse to believe it.
My friends think I'm bipolar. I've had family members say it, they were partially joking.

I feel like I'm ranting and should probably stop now before I just go on and rant more.
I honestly feel crazy
I don't know what to do.

-<3 kitcatluver

Ps. My back seriously is bothering me if anyone has any idea on how to at least min. The pain with something I haven't mentioned it be a wonderful bonas to me

[Travelinglady]

I could be that you might have some sort of mood disorder. Have you talked to your school counselor about it?

I am sorry your back is hurting. It could be that you have pulled something.

[Kitcatluver]

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

I could be that you might have some sort of mood disorder. Have you talked to your school counselor about it?

I am sorry your back is hurting. It could be that you have pulled something.

Just realized I never replied to this post oops sorry.
In eighth grade (about a year before the original post) I saw a social worker because of cutting and I told her how I felt and she said I was normal that I just had family issues. I told my mom the other day I have a fear of abandonment and she looked at me like I was crazy. But everyday without fail I get upset or annoyed about something completely irrational and my moms and Is fighting is not helping matters any.
.