The one thing that nobody can help me with. You can't see a doctor to help you with loneliness, you actually need people who you like and who will agree to hang around and spend time with you enough so that you no longer feel alone.

I worry that I am so beaten by life that I can't even try to make friends anymore.

Any similar thoughts and experiences?

[atomicc]

Yes, I definitely know the feeling. It's a shame there's no pill that makes you think you have people who care about you!
I think we can always make friends though..it just may not be so easy :/

[Fuzzybear]

[Lady Courtesan]

Oh yes, honey-

I think the trust function in my brain is burned out. And everytime I decide to buck the odds and let someone new into my life, I get f**ked over again and it's my own fault. The judgement function in my brain is seriously out of whack as well. If it ever existed.

I used to have friends, scads of them. But if you live with someone for twelve years who is determined to keep you isolated, friends eventually drift away.

My roommate asked me the other day if I'd like to go to a bar and get a drink and look at all the men, and I thought, Yeah, that's gonna happen. Never. I'll just bring my walker with me and it will drive the men crazy. (I don't really have a walker. Yet.)

The truth is, I don't mind my own company. I never get bored. One part of my brain (that still works) is always world building or running dialog. There is always something spinning in there. I love to read and make art and watch movies. And there's always the fun of PTSD to keep me busy.

So if I do get lonely, I'll just trot on over to the senior center and scope out all the handsome old guys. I really love long, silver hair. I think I have a Santa Clause fetish.

I really hope you find someone I.T. You're a hell of a nice guy. You never know what the universe might bring you.

[Hobbit House]

I don't make friends easily either, I just don't know how to associate with people. It seems like a uphill battle just to get up in the morning. I can't relate to most people at all, it's like my brain isn't wired right for friendships to form. I'm very cautious when it comes to people. I feel like the more I'm around people the less I want to be. Every time I do someone a favor, I end up getting burned.
I am married though, and my wife is my best friend! We met online at a dating site for people with mental illnesses. I hope this helps. You are not alone!

[Lady Courtesan]

Good for you, Hobbit House. I hope you guys are best friends. Sometimes that's all you need. And I love the story of how you met. So romantic!

I think sometimes we strive too hard for what is 'normal'. It's normal to have a gang of friends and go to parties and out to dinner and be very sociable. Normal for me is to spend a lot of time alone, chasing my muse.
I hate parties and going out to dinner and forcing myself to make conversation with people more boring than my furniture.

I'd much rather be watching a good movie, or make art or be on the computer, playing video games or being here. So it's okay to be different and do what is normal and entertaining for you. Life is not a car commercial. I forget that sometimes too.

[guilloche]

Yup. This is one of the first things my T picked up on about me, in the first session, without me ever bringing it up explicitly - and is a big part of what he wants me to do (go out, meet people, make some friends).

I think it can be enormously helpful to even have *just one* really good person you can trust and chat with. Do you have that? If not... (and forgive me, I'm sure you've heard this), but can I encourage to try to find a group (class, meetup, volunteer organization, whatever) that fits your interests to join? I think it's a good way to at least get around people with similar interests, even if you don't immediately click with a new BFF.

I take piano lessons, and my teacher has turned into an amazing source of support and friendship. I really lucked out, as I wasn't looking for or expecting this at all, but honestly, his consistency and ability to "get" me is... I think... actually giving me a model and making *therapy* better (I had failed miserably at therapy about 10-15 years ago, just couldn't figure it out... doing slightly better this time around... I'm working on it, anyway!)

It IS harder to meet people and develop friends as an adult, it feels like everybody already has their friends and activities and is closed off to new people. But it's not true... you just have to find the right person/people who you click with.

And... oh my gosh, I almost sound like an optimist today! It must be the sleep deprivation (or the chocolate). Good luck!

[Ripose]

I used to mistake boredom for loneliness, but no longer. It was odd that whenever I was bored I would go to the bar, talk to some people and sure the boredom would be gone for as long as I was there. However as I returned home the boredom would return which is why I mistook it for loneliness.

One day I got a hobby to work on and I upgraded my cable TV and poof I was no longer "lonely". I started thinking about this and I finally realized that I did not want to be around any people. This was a number of years ago and today I am somewhat of a hermit, talking to nobody but my wife, whom I met in a rehab centre.

In the last 12 years I have not felt lonely even once, even if my wife has gone away somewhere. If were to split up I'm sure I would talk to nobody except my doctors.

Yikes, I typed all that and realized I had not addressed the OP. In short I firmly believe the only person that can end your loneliness is yourself. Either by learning to be alone and enjoy it or by continually searching for a BFF/spouse. There is someone out there for everyone!

[SeekerOfLife]

Thanks for this thread, I.T. I find most of your threads & posts very interesting.

I can relate to your loneliness. IRL, I have only one friend (and she is a phone friend). Loneliness can be very painful. To realize that no one desires my company is not easy to accept. I have followed all T's suggestions and have netted zero friends IRL. So I assume I was meant to be a loner.
Does your cat open up opportunities for meeting new people?

Originally Posted by seekersinking

Thanks for this thread, I.T. I find most of your threads & posts very interesting.

I can relate to your loneliness. IRL, I have only one friend (and she is a phone friend). Loneliness can be very painful. To realize that no one desires my company is not easy to accept. I have followed all T's suggestions and have netted zero friends IRL. So I assume I was meant to be a loner.
Does your cat open up opportunities for meeting new people?

Not really, although he does open up opportunities for chat with random strangers who are amused that I walk him on a harness.

Yes, the painful thought for me is that nobody wants me for company At least that is the conclusion that I come to. A lot of it is due to my shyness and other issues though.

I'm pretty lonely. I had a dog, It died, I spent time with my neighbor's dog, but I had to move away. Now I live on my own, spend most of my day outside, I cannot possibly keep pets and take proper care of them.

I had a great friend, we shared the same house as room mates with another room mate, sadly this other guy wanted me to leave, I was forced to leave, it hurt both me and my best friend.

I can only talk to my mom on the phone or play videogames, or make friends online.