[dg59166]

I’ve been very happily married for 17 years. I love my wife very much and normally wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that, but here I am hoping this post will be therapeutic for me to deal with my problem I have. Last year, I took a job with a company that had me on a daily route to customers. Shortly after I started, I met a woman who would become my regular contact every day. At first, I didn’t pay any more attention to her than any other attractive woman. I was happy with my wife, glad to be working, and a significant age gap, (she is in her early 20’s, I’m in my mid-late 40’s, 23 years age difference). One day, I did notice her in an attractive outfit, and I complimented her on it. That began to get us talking here and there, and learning a little bit about her, and she about me. Over the next 8-10 weeks, there were little signs here and there from both of us that we might be attracted to each other, but the workplace wouldn’t be conducive to finding out. I then got a promotion to management, along with a relocation. I only told her I was leaving on my last day. We pleasantly said goodbye to each other. As I left and returned out to my vehicle, she came out and wanted a hug goodbye, and that pushed me over, the crush was on. I then started viewing her Facebook page, learning about her. My promotion and relocation has been great, but I couldn’t stop thinking about her. It got worse when I started fantasizing about her, not just sexually, but in a deep emotional way, thinking about being with her, vividly imagining a first kiss, how an affair with her would go, even having to tell my wife about her, and that she would be bearing a child for me. This has gone on for about 12 weeks, and during that time, I have had no contact with the woman in any way, other than viewing her Facebook page. All during this time, I would reminding myself that this was a fantasy, and your marriage and age difference wouldn’t allow this. Last week, as I searched her Facebook page, her status update announced her in a relationship, I searched and found out who she is with now. I felt like she had dumped me. I then realized I had gone in too deep, and so I started doing what I could to forget her. I haven’t seen her Facebook page for 2 weeks, no peeking. I’ve ended the fantasies, or at least break my thoughts when they start. I know this will take time, so I know there are good days and bad days. I also know I need to focus my efforts on my wife, and finding back that beauty and attraction I had for her. I don’t think it ever left, but I did clearly put another in front of her. I’m upset and hurt that I allowed this to happen. My only consolation is that I didn’t act on this, and as the expression goes, be careful what you wish for, you may just get it. Wanted to get this off my chest, and hope it gets me back to being happy again soon.

[gma45]

One good thing is you didn't let it go any farther and you didn't act on it. You are right it is going to take some time.The fantasy affair is over, don't beat yourself up too much. You have been married way to long to throw it all away. I would suggest taking your wife away for a romantic weekend to celebrate your promotion and see if you can start that spark again. I bet you can!

[Open Eyes]

As you mentioned, you have been "happily" married for 17 years now. I do think it is good that you did not get involved even more too. I think you need to work on getting some more "romantic get away's" with your wife, after all, she has been your best friend for so many years now, she's been loyal to you and that is really where your heart truly belongs to stay IMHO.

OE