[ihadalittlelamb2010]

My mother and I have never gotten along. Even as a child, she had little patience with me and I was afraid of her growing up because she would lose her temper quickly. She came with a lot of emotional baggage, like we had to get rich so people who become our friends, respect us, or like us. ( I find that ridiculous). Or that she was mistreated because we didn't have money. The problem is I am only child and she would make me sit and tell me about how I had to study hard and make sure I take revenge by becoming rich on everyone who had humiliated her. On the other hand, I wasn't the best of student at school and my mother supported me telling me stories of Newton and others and how just because I wasn't good at school didn't mean I was not going to be somebody.

However, both my parents unrealistic and always got into get quick rich schemes where they would lose money and we had a lot of money problems growing up. Despite money problems they helped and funded my education beyond their ability to do so and I had every intention of helping them back for what they did for me. However, I cannot get rid of this feeling that they did it so I could get a good job and take care of them.

My father passed away five years ago and since then my mother has become a night mare. I moved away from my parents and all their toxic behavior of jealousy, social anxiety, trying to bring down others instead of being focused on themselves, making fun of others or talking bad about people, and defining success in terms of money looked more and more nasty to me, when growing up this seemed perfectly normal.

Now, after my father passed away, I wanted to help my mother monetarily despite the fact that I didn't have a job at that time. However, her demands became outrageous and she would keep repeating that all her problems would be solved once I got a job. Once again I was willing to help my mother within my limits and not to her standards. For example, my mother doesn't have a house and I thought I could take out a mortgage that I can repay. But she prefers to live only in certain areas that I cannot afford. But she will not budge calling and screaming at me that she is going to get into an old age home and how nasty I was that I was expecting her to live with people who are nasty. Not sure when middle class people were considered nasty. Then she would call me up for money. Take note this is when I had no job and I was repaying student loans. Then I got to know that she had signed up for paying monthly scheme for jewelry and some sort of a financial scheme. So here I was struggling, being careful with money and here is my mother spending money on things she doesn't need. She also has so little saved for her retirement that it scares me. And every time my aunty or uncle give me money she expect me to give it to her.

Then her job, she always whines and once she told me she wanted to be like her friends who are rich and just play bridge all day long. She keeps telling me about all the vacations and how some relatives kid bought their parents a house. How does she expect me to react?

Now that I have a job, and having grown up with money anxiety I don't want to overspend. I have a small condo and I don't intend to move out of it for a long time. I am still paying back my student loan but I am okay with that. I save for my retirement and I am content. I don't want people to like me for my money or status. I don't make friends with those. I don't have a lot of jewelery or designer clothes but I am okay with that too. I don't live in a fancy area or a fancy condo and I am perfectly content.

But my mother is constantly draining my energy. I want her to stop complaining, I want her to wake up to her circumstances, live within her means, stop making friends with rich people who she cannot keep up with and just be happy. She is 56 but thinks she is too old and needs to looked after. She is constantly telling me that she is sick to get attention.

I told her I want some space but she doesn't seem to be getting the point. She calls me and leaves all these emotional message. On one hand I feel guilty because my dad passed away but then on the other, I feel anger because she doesn't reach out to anyone else, because to her it is a sense of shame to tell everyone her problems. But I cannot sit and listen to problems that are not even problems. I feel like screaming.

Please don't judge me I haven't told you half the things. I will take care of her when she gets old, there is no doubt about that but for now I want her to leave me alone because she is draining me out.

[Thunder Bow]

Do not feel guilty about living your own life. Untangle yourself from her more, and both of you will feel better. Your mother has to live her own life as well.

Hello, .

I'm sorry your mother is so draining. I know that feeling.
You don't have to feel guilty about trying to break away from the negativity your mum brings you. It's perfectly okay to do what's best for you.

I'm not sure how to get your mum to see that riches isn't everything and that rich people aren't living the lives we imagine them to. Many blogs about becoming millionaires or billionaires makes one thing clear- they are hard working people who live below their means to save as much as they can.

There are some things we can't teach a person.

I'm glad you're content with what you have . Few can claim that. It's an achievement in itself.

I hope your mother comes to get senses soon. In the mean time know that, from what you've said, you're doing the very best you can and that's good enough. Take comfort in that. No one should expect more than that from you.

Tip; get caller I'D for your house phone, and ignore her calls when you need to.

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm sorry to hear that there are challenges in the relationship with your mother.

It sounds to me by reading through what you've written there's a lot of other background issues that you're facing too (you've touched on the money and money spending pattern in your family).

I'm sorry to read your father passed away

You sound very sensible to me with the way that you go about budgeting.

Kuddos to you for telling your mother that you need space. I think this is a positive step forward in you finding your emotional independence and it's your time now, after all you've been through throughout these years, to have your own mental health put first above and beyond anything else.

Please feel free to continue to post and let us know how you go.

You matter to us.