[tealBumblebee]

I think my mother only knows how to fuss. Like, I don't think she realizes that you can converse or have a day without drama; but in some cases you have to choose not to. Pick your battles of sort.

Example from this morning.

I complemented what X was wearing. X says thank you. Mom wants to know what X says. This annoys me bc I wasn't talking to her in the first place, but I tell her what happened. She wants to know if X is wearing a "school" sweater or a "formal" sweater. So I tell her. And then I told her she was being nosey (better than saying she was an instigator) lol. She goes on to justify herself by saying that sometimes X makes the wrong outfit selections (which she does, but again, not this time).

So, moving on. X left some food in the garage last wk Friday (6 days ago). She meant to tell X to eat it that day so it didn't go bad but I fed them that night and didn't know. So today, I feed them breakfast and she's in the other room getting dressed and mentions X probably took that old food back to "school" on Monday. I was just like *shrug* "I don't know; probably"

So she tells me to ask X where the food from Friday was when she comes downstairs. I feel like that is just starting drama honestly. Because that should have been addressed on Monday, or Tuesday. Now it's Thursday; too long ago to do anything about it.. We should just be lucky she didn't get sick and call it a day.

So she comes down, and I quietly am asking her about that and my moms yelling from the other room (she was getting dressed for the day) Are they down here yet?! And i'm like YES! I'm talking to her now! So she's like "ooohh, i'm sorry why are you yelling?" So X goes on to tell me that she did take the food back to "school" on Monday and then, my moms like "tell her to come here".

So at that point I just walked out because it's 7 in the morning and way too early for drama. When I got back from letting them off to their bus, she goes on to tell me that she couldn't be my husband or child because I have too little patience and yelled at her. And I wanted to explain to her that I yelled (yes, my patience is low we already knew that) because I was annoyed that she was in a such a rush, so excited, just to fuss about something from almost a week go. Like she was getting some kind of high from it. But instead I just sucked it up and said, "I'm sorry for yelling." And instead of that being it she's like "well I didn't have a problem with the yelling - it was the fact that you are so impatient." So I just didn't say anything because she didn't understand why I was being impatient and I would have been starting drama by explaining how annoying it was that she was so anxious to start something first thing in the morning.

And it's not just X - the target of her "poking" is whoever is accessible. And she's like "I don't know why my children never listen to me!" I tell her all the time, that it's because she always fusses. There's no up/down with her; just always up. So it becomes easier to "block out" what she's saying because everything is a problem to her - so nothing she says comes out as words of wisdom because all her words are the same. Fussed.

Even after I didn't comment on that, she went on to bring up three or four more "controversial" things (something someone in the family said about me, something embarrassing someone else in the family did yesterday, etc.) and honestly I just blocked her out.

I'm not writing this for any reason because she's well over the age of being changed (she's 70+ and my grandmother but she raised me so I call her mom); I just feel like her (and everyone else around hers) life could be easier if she would just chill. My uncle (her son) is the same way and they always fuss about he has no "calm". I could be the same way but I make a huge effort not to be that way because it annoys me so badly and I don't want to be that way with my children. Again, not sure why i'm writing this - maybe it just helps to get it out.

Yes. Rant, get it all out...

It is annoying when all you hear is complaining all the time. Offense is worth taking when no effort is made to be understood and is only put into blaming...

Even if it was anyone else in your life you'd most likely still feel the same; no one wants to hear constant complaining.

Sending calm vibes

[PianogirlPlays]

I agree I am tired of fuss in me or around me.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Well older people get like this - it is their way of coping. I tend to laugh it off, make a joke of it, you know like, 'Oh that food, I saw a fox run off with it'. In any cse you won't have to stick it long will you, won't you be off to college, the marines or something soon?

[IrisBloom]

Older people sometimes don't "get it". Or maybe they just don't care? My dad has always been very negative towards me. I had to tell him I couldn't go on a trip with him if he was going to do his usual thing. Of course, he put all the blame on me. I repeated myself several times until he got it. He didn't admit blame, but conceded he'd be nice if I was. Maybe you could try something similar? No blame, accusing, just point out that it's not the best way to communicate.

[unaluna]

Can you tell her ahead of time that you are handling it? Maybe not permanently taking it over, but as in, ill do this chore - check the kids clothes or lunch or whatever - for you this time, you can just drink your coffee. People with control issues dont play well on teams. What you and a good friend might do interchangeably for each other without much thought, becomes a big deal with someone who is marking her territory. Thats been my experience.