Up and down consistently

I always feel so odd when this feeling of relief or happiness floods me... right now its because I feel useful and selfless... Helping someone out on a show practically for free feels good when they need my help.
But the past few weeks have been a roller-coaster: Up and down up and down, heights and depths and numbness in between... or distraction. I guess I always feel good when I'm crucial to a problem, when it's stress time and I'm the calm one handling things... It's so counterintuitive though, because when there's minimal stress and I'm second in command, I get bored wanting to make more creative decisions... But when the director falls apart, for instance, days before the show goes on, I'm on top of the world! Maybe because suddenly I have more decision making power?
When I'm the leader, the opposite occurs. Everything is fine and wonderful as I create and direct, until crunch time. Then I'm a mess and need lots of help... or else don't delegate at all.
A psychiatrist once suggested I may have mild bipolar II symptoms... Could this be a factor? I don't know because I do have anxiety about letting other people make decisions for me, so it feels good to be in control of my life. Maybe that's what it is: during my extreme downtime (I'm practically unemployed with a part time job that is very minimal) I feel bored and out of control, and thus depressed. But during my more busy times, like now, I feel elated, full of ideas, in control, and almost bursting with energy.
How strange that during both times, I have trouble sleeping... any thoughts?

Hi bluedonna, firstly kudos to you on how active you are helping others and with that creative drive. And I know you get something from helping others/using that drive but it's got to make a real difference to them too!!! So good on you!!!
........the trouble sleeping, well IMO it's understandable.........depression can mess with your sleeping patterns and for some people interrupt them...........and the high's, well if you've still got that "buzz"/that build up of energy it's got to be harder to hold onto sleeping patterns.
For the possible bipolar symptoms.......it would probably be worth getting that professionally assessed for some firmer answers but for now............
The better times could come from a combination of things do you think??? Feelings of achievement, validation, release, self-expression, excitement...........???
Do you think you could create more opportunities in your day-to-day life in touching some of those things a little more often??? Try to channel some of those needs on a smaller scale but more regularly??? Maybe.......and just ideas.........different art forms.........energetic activities.........different kinds of voluntary work???
But if there are any issues in your self worth/lacking the feeling of being in control of your life coming to the surface then maybe worth pinpointing some of the reasons for those, working through them and finding some things to help you with moving on from them a bit???
Anyway.........just some thoughts..........
And again...........kudos to you on your clear talents, and desire to help out others!!!

Alison