Rrrrrrrgh...irritated Mikki is irritated

YES, MIKKI IS MY REAL NICK NAME OF MY REAL LAST NAME MIKAELA.

I'm just a mix of moods right now. I've been getting irritated and a bit grouchy lately, raising my voice at my dad and having an overactive fantasies (daydreams) that all of the sudden cause me to be angry.

Rrrrrrgh!!! A lot of things piss me off now.

My dad's effects of being an alcoholic (having disorganized and weird behavior that I have a hard time coping with), not to mention his "stuck-up business man" personality since he work's for mattress firm.

My cat trying to climb up my pants and get to my food. I have to yank him off or push him out of the way. I've been doing it too hard to him and I don't mean to be hurtful . He's been less happy now because of it.

I'm irritated thinking about how I live in capitalist country where everything is run by the economy. You're pretty much selling yourself to slavery on everything. I feel like everyone is materialistic, gaudy and stuck up. I still can't get over how we have to buy our way and pay big bucks just to keep ourselves alive and healthy with insurance (I might as well ****ing kill myself just to get out of this world, because it's not worth living if everything so damn expensive). Why can't we be socialist like the European countries? They provide care to everyone in need.

I can't get over why the media encourages "perfection" when it comes to physical appearance. I have to keep applying makeup on just for people to be nice and notice me. Without it, no one wants to speak or pay attention to me, and they treat me like **** (making fun of me, insulting me, spreading rumors on everything I do.). It's because I "have to" look good. I'm supposed to be that way.

I get angry and jealous when I see an attractive guy with a curvaceous woman in glamor photos (it's porn habit. I kind of have a thing for playgirl). I'm even jealous when it comes to daydreaming of Michael (you know who I'm talking about) falling in love with another girl. I just have this unhealthy obsession with him, I know he's not real, but in a way it still feels like he is and that he's out there somewhere already made up with someone else and that I was never known about. I know what I've been through was all but delusions and fantasies. I never had any special psychic abilities. I've never even met them in person. They were just imagined to fill in the empty places of friends that I didn't have back then. They were there to comfort me and help me escape the harshness of reality that I had to face everyday. Xians will tell me that I need help, and the atheists would joke and jeer about my story of what I experience. There is no "god". There is no "Michael". There are no "angels/mal'ahks", and if they were, they aren't meant to be friendly beings. They will not give you hugs and kisses, or whisper sweet-nothings of comfort in your ear. Those subhuman creatures will hunt you down with a weapon in either one of their hands; a sword? maybe back during the ancient days, yes. a gun? modern times, definitely yes. They will end your life senselessly without remorse to their creator's bidding.

And the men. Why men??? Jerks! JERKS! JERKS!!!

I can't see love anymore, it just doesn't exist to me. It's all about sex. All I see is sex. I feel like I am the ***** of Babylon.

Hi Mikki, sounds like you need to release some stress. I can relate to your feelings and try to not let my mind dwell on those issues that upset me.

I recommended this to another member and I think it would be of help for you, too. I know it changed the way I saw life. If you ever get the chance read a book called "The New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. It touches on staying in the present and letting go of past hurts and dealing with anger. It helped me find peace and understanding. It's an easy read, I highly recommend it. PM me if you have any questions.

Mikki/Mikaela Sometimes its hard to cope with emotions and life even for those of us who are older and more experienced. And most of us go through periods when we're very irritable and unhappy with life. Those periods pass though. I know from personal experience how it feels to have a cat/kitten crawl up your legs. Sharp little fish hook claws tend to get a quick unthinking reaction Sometimes I almost believe my mom's cat is trying to piss me off. Kittens and senile cats are just like that. My mom's cat will die soon and unfortunately when that time comes I'll probably focus more on the times I pushed him off my bed or picked him off of my leg and dropped him none too gently rather than recall the times I held him during a hairball coughing fit or the times I went out to buy cat food when I was too sick to get out of bed. Try to be as gentle and patient as you can
Everyone knows including you that I don't believe in angels, demons, or gods so no point in going there. I don't jeer or criticize but if someone insists on bringing the subject up I may point out that there is zero evidence for the existence of any of those alleged entities. After that, people are welcome to their beliefs.
Men are not all jerks any more than women are all *****es.
It is most definitely not all about sex. I can't speak for all men (or women) but even when it seems like sex is the main agenda there is much more to it than that.
It sounds like everything is piling up on you at the moment. This is your final year of high school and you have decisions about your future looming. Try not to let it all overwhelm you. Don't let the stress and pressures keep you from seeing the good and enjoying the small pleasures that are always found in life. Hug a kitten

George, I think you have possibly nailed it as far as therapy goes "Hug a kitten"......

P.S. There is no sarcasm here. I think we would all of us feel a little bit less of what we're feeling right now if we had access to kittens and puppies....

OP....I am sorry. I remember the confusion and frustration when I was your age. It's truly horrible and I you couldn't pay me enough to relive those years.