[mommaxo]

I almost balled earlier talking to my public health nurse about how you really don't appreciate what your mother has done for you, until you find out your pregnant, and have kids of your own. I've been under a lot of stress lately. Somewhat worrying about my money situation, and how I'm going to be able to get everything I need before the baby is born. I have been going to A.A meetings pretty much every night. My friend started joining me. We drank a lot over the summer, and she got put in jail before I got pregnant. She still drinks every now and then, but it's nice to have a friend with me when I'm go to meetings.

I started getting more baby stuff. I now have 3 drawers full of baby clothes, unisex clothes, and girl and boystuff, diapers, etc. I find out what I'm having on the 25th. I'm so exicted to see my little angel at my next ultrasound I have been feeling exhausted lately, I feel like I'm constantly on my feet. I managed to take a nap tonight, before I start getting ready for my meeting. I haven't been to this meeting yet, so I am a little nervous. (my friend is doing night school tonight) I have been taking medication to help with my panic attacks, and when I'm feeling really overwhelmed. I find it helps me relax a bit. so I know in the back of my mind that Incase I have a panic attack I have something that is going to help calm me down.

I have been making a lot of positive changes lately. I am proud of myself. I got off the booze, trying to cut down on smoking, came to a residence that going to help me and the baby once he/she arrives, I got myself a midwife, and public health nurse, I distanced myself from people who trigger me, and old friends who were just bad news. I have been working towards getting letters together to help me for when I have to go to trial. I know I need to remind myself that I have been through a lot, and I have been doing a lot of good things lately. I need to be more gentle with myself, and give myself time to relax more.

[kaliope]

there is truth to that...I remember how hard it was trying to be a step mom... I had a major breakdown of appreciation for what my mom went thru and wrote her a big long letter telling her how I saw how hard it must have been for her..........

keep up the good work