Ever start a verbal fight with someone?

Someone like an acquaintance, neighbor, landlord, co-employee, etc.? I've wanted to over the last decade but I always felt that it would lead to bad consequences and/or it would progress to a larger argument so I figure it's not worth it. But I'm 50 now and my skin is thin and I'm at the point where I think I really don't care what people may think of me anymore. I feel like I need to express myself and if that means crossing someone then I'm about ready to take a chance. What is the norm among people? Do some or most people express anger to acquaintances? I know within families expressing anger may be different and may be more common.

Hello cool09: Perhaps I'm a bit unclear with regard to your post. You write that you've wanted to start a fight over the past decade. However, now you've turned 50, your skin is thin & you don't care what people think. Personally I don't ever intentionally start a fight ( by which I mean a verbal altercation. We're not talking fists here, I presume.) This is not to say that I won't "stand my ground" when the need arises. However, I try to be understanding of the perspective of the person to whom I am talking. (By the way, just for reference, I'm in my mid 60's.)

I guess there are people around who simply enjoy arguing. They're always looking for an opportunity to instigate a fight... a chance to crush yet another opponent. Personally I avoid such people if at all possible. They're simply not worth my time & energy. However, what I take from your post is that you feel you've been kind-of a "door mat" in the past & now you feel you're ready to strike back.

You ask what the "norm" is among people. I would say that the norm is for most people to try to get along & be cordial if at all possible. Many people, I find, just don't want to "rock the boat", so to speak. So they say nothing, except maybe to grouse about whatever the situation is, after the fact. I think the number of people, who consciously enter a conversation ready to do battle if-&-when the need arises, is small.

From my perspective, I would think the question here is: what is going on with you that, at 50, you suddenly feel the urge to put up your dukes, as they say. The problem, it seems to me, is that if you go into conversations with the mindset that you're ready, willing & able to fight if the need arises, the chances are you'll find a fight. In fact, you may find many. And, over time, this always-ready attitude will become apparent & many people, like me, will simply begin to avoid you because they know you're always suited up for battle.

This is not to say that you shouldn't fight back when necessary. I'm not suggesting you just roll over & play dead at the first sign of trouble. However, it seems to me there's a fundamental difference between being willing to disagree if-&-when it becomes necessary on the one hand, & consciously preparing yourself for a fight that you presume will occur sooner or later, on the other.

Often the things we see in other people that aggravate us the most are the things about ourselves with which we are the least comfortable. So my preference is to seek compromise & to attempt to see what it is, in the other person, that is pushing my own buttons, so to speak... causing me to become hooked. From my perspective argument, in-&-of itself, rarely accomplishes anything other than to leave everyone involved feeling hurt.

I have found over the years that "sudden" anger at someone else usually is about something else and not "this" problem and I'm shifting my anxiety and "doing" something so I can get rid of it. Road rage for example. I don't normally have it but now know when I do that something is worrying me and that I feel helpless in some way so I quit with the road rage and look inside.

The types of fights I get tempted to get into with friends, acquaintances or one-time situational problems (bank or stores) I have trained myself to play the whole thing out in my head to see where it may go? Usually the outcome is not useful or even germane and so I, again, look at other areas of my recent life to see what's up with me instead of "this" problem.

There is a healthy way to express anger, but arguing and fighting is useless. Anger is a part of life and tells us there is something that needs to be paid attention to/fixed.

Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud is an excellent resource as is
The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans...

both give excellent advice on how to deal with anger/frustration and life.

Often, and you are right it is not worth it, it does no good and much harm, you feel bad about it later, people don't forget it, and as another poster said it is often due to stress/depression in other areas coming out when under pressure. Take a deep breath and find another way.

I, unfortunately, argue & have verbal altercations with people. I end up feeling much worse than the person I am arguing with....I want to stop this behavior. Sometimes I think it is due to having childhood trauma & my voice on anything never mattered. I am overcompensating for the past?

It usually is not worth my effort or the loss of my dignity as I can be very sharp(knowing just what will hurt the person the most), and I say these things all "wide eyed , calm and innocent"..HAHAHa....This has to stop on my part..My T even pointed this out...She know I have a "good & huge heart", which I do...but when I feel wronged, or betrayed, I just cannot control it.

I have never argued in my life because I never wanted to start anything. Not even with my parents. I am just really tired of criticism and insults from others just because they feel that I'm inadequate. And tired of people who feel that their philosophy of living is right so they feel that they have the perfect right to be critical (maybe because their religion told them that they have the right to - or whatever - it seems the "religious" are forefront with this behavior, imo). I feel that I'm certainly at a disadvantage because of my mood disorder, dissociative disorder which has kept me dysfunctional, non-productive, unable to work, etc. (over the last 25 yrs of so). I haven't been able to improve myself but now I feel that one thing I can do (and should do) is stand up for myself and tell others where they can put their words and their philosophies and point out their faults for a change. I have a landlord who is like the Gestapo and I am sick and tired of these type of people who make the distinction between who are the positives and negatives of society. (And this guy has the IQ of about 80.) They can shove it. I'm a free person and I'm entitled to live my life whether it's a poor life or not.

I would guess that most people on this board have trouble managing difficult people because everyone here are carrying more than their share of burden (no matter what they're struggling with) which is why I decided to pose the question.

Yes, I'm afraid to say I have, especially when I've been manic.

It's never ended well.