parents get angry at me for being angry, why?

Why don’t my parents accept that I get angry? I’m kinda a perfectionist and I guess you could say people pleasing, I don’t try to be people pleasing - its more like doing things for attention- doing things nice for others to get their attention, or at least i think i do this. But anyways I was going x-mas shopping today with my dad to buy stuff for my niece. I knew exactly what I wanted to buy for her - well not exactly, I wanted to buy her a lava lamp I didn’t know which one yet so I was looking. And my dad came around me and kept trying to suggest different lava lamps to me instead of me trying to figure out which one I wanted to get. This put a lot of pressure on me. It made me feel like he wanted me to hurry up as if what I got her didn’t matter or that my opinion didn’t matter or that it wouldn’t be good enough or that I would pick a horrible lava lamp. So of course my voice raised a little because I was pissed and wanted time to pick the right one I wanted for her. I didn’t say anything mean to him I just said that I was going to pick the lava lamp I wanted to get her. Over the course of like 10 minutes (I wanted to make sure I picked the right one) he came back like three times doing this over. As we walked out to the car after, I was still pissed, I never said anything mean to him but he got angry at me saying why do you always have to be so cranky and this like blew me over the edge. for some reason I have a hard time yelling at others I just can‘t do it, instead I just got really angry at him and angry at myself (keeping it inside) leading me to cut myself once again.

I don’t understand why he was angry at me when he was the one who was pressuring me to make a decision when I just wanted to get my niece I nice x-mas present. It made me feel like it was my fault he was angry, my fault he had to spend time waiting on me, my fault that I needed to buy an x-mas present for her in the first place. I don’t know how to deal with this feelings. I don’t know why I feel this way. Why do my parents have to act like I’m not good enough. They always put pressure on me to tell them what I have to say. My dad will always ask me a question and than say huh? really loudly like one second after even though I didn’t say anything yet and I can't stand it. He’s always asking me questions like why would you like this kind of music, why are you getting angry at me, why would you buy that for them and when he says these things he always has almost like a snotty tone to his voice like he’s better than me. I don’t know why he even asks me these questions like I don’t know why I like the music I like I just like it cause I like it and If I’m mad at him shouldn’t he know why? like seriously I’m his daughter shouldn’t he know me well enough to know what pisses me off and try to do something to avoid it so then I won’t get angry at him (I’m offended that he doesn’t know me this well) or at least handle my anger in a more adult manner rather than getting angry at me. He’s always been apart of my life and I see him every weekend so he should know me pretty well.

And my mom, she forces her opinion on me sometimes but she always asks me for my opinion on EVERYTHING she buys and she never agrees with it and she gets angry at me that I don’t feel the same way as her about things, like if she likes a shirt and she wants to get it she’ll ask me if I like the shirt I’ll say no its not my style than she’ll get angry and disappointed in me and like really I don’t know how to deal with this like how is this my fault?? I don’t get it. Why don’t my parents respect my opinions and feelings? I just try to be myself and they get angry at me for it. I always respect others opinions and feelings why can’t they do the same for me?

I'm sorry your relationship with your parents isnt better. It sounds like they dont really accept you and appreciate you as a separate individual. That would make anybody cranky. It's like you have to defend yourself all the time. One thing i tried doing with my mom was asking for what i wanted - like telling her, "please dont insult me, or please apologize if you do." Well she did NOT respond very nicely.

But hopefully your parents might, like if you told your dad, "please dont rush me" or your mom, "im sorry if my opinion upsets you. That shirt might be your style but it isnt mine." Unless that sounds snotty - i dont want to get you in trouble. But asserting yourself like this will be good practice for you as friends try to get you to do stuff - "no i would rather go to a movie than rob a bank" or whatever

Your perception is that he was pressuring you. His perception might be very very different. Ask him, talk calmly with him about the shopping trip. Explain how you felt that led up to your being annoyed.

He may have been trying to make the shopping trip a time of togetherness, and wanted to decide *with you* which lava lamp to buy.

Open the door to allow him to know you and understand you. Be honest without being accusatory ("When you kept coming around to suggest different lamps, I felt pressured and judged. Which lamp we bought was important to me and I needed time to consider the ones we saw.")

Keeping feelings in makes us feel awful. Expressing them calmly is a way of standing up for your wonderful self. Others may feel differently, but that's about them. We all get to be ourselves.

I think your Dad would love to know more about you, in a deeper sense, meaning what you feel and what is important to you. You can give that to him as a gift that only you can give

I'm sorry you feel disrespected. You might try expressing your feelings in a soft voice, it know how hard that would be but it could be a start

Have you always felt this way with them? If it is a fairly recent development, I would suggest it is a typical sign of a young person becoming an independent adult - it happens to everyone to some degree at some stage between 12 and, say, 20. Parents can find this understandably, if annoyingly, hard to accept and understand, and in their upset and confusion inadvertently become a right old pain in the whatsit. If you can help them come to terms with these changes and modify their behaviour (along the lines of the excellent suggestions above) so much the better for your long-term relationship with them.