[eggplantlife]

Don't know where to post. I used to post in depression forum. I'm somewhat over depression. I'm was up most of night send I just want to reach out to people. I was on Facebook but no one is there anymore. I felt really crazy just posting things but I know no one really care to read my posts anymore...and there really aren't anyone around anymore.

I feel really left out.

I still haven't made head ways in physically moving my life forward.
Emotionally a lot had happened and I'm not suicidal. It was because of my friend. I have come a long way there, but I am moving a a slow turtle pace.

I stopped smoking. All these I have posted along the way.

My family still don't want me. My exhusband got married so there was that issue. It just never ends. I may have posted something in divorce section but maybe not.

As always, it's been very strange for me to post and the whole world knows my story.

I have been on this journey for almost a decade to be happy and yet, the worst have Happened to my closest relationships and my career which I gave posted and not. Some good experiences have come my way with my friend and the caring I am given from her and very few people.

I am grateful for the stuff I am given.

Yet, I can't sleep at night but somehow fall asleep during odd times. Still not enough sleep though, but I am grateful for sleep.

I have READ and listened to do motivational, self help, guru, religious, spiritual learnings. This month I felt the world was shifting and good thing will come my way. I kind of felt last year good things coming my way too until things fell apart.......I don't know! This time I am stronger because I have my friend. She gave me a sense of safe place.

Overall I am suppose to be okay with myself.
I might still be having problem with this.

I am trying to be positive.

Please, what is going on? I know everyone suffers. But this now I realize that people are happy. They really do enjoy their lives. They don't fake it. They really enjoy their lives. There are people who have gone through a lot and they still enjoy their lives.

to everyone. It's one of those nights and now morning. Hugs to anyone reading this. I really need it.

I am going through juicing and I gave up coffee yesterday. Yesterday was full day of juicing. I was hungry and I did sleep during the day because feeling weak, but I work up and stayed up most of the night!

I can't make myself to read back and make corrections to words that changed on me and I toyed. You know how it gets.

I am moving forward but I really miss my past. I miss my family. I miss working in the career I had. I miss my life. I know my life isn't as horrible as the horrible things you see pictures out there. I am grateful for the blessing and protection.

I don't know. Maybe someone can hear me. I exist and I matter! Please help me to get moving! Or something! I have been stuck fora decade. It came on so slowly and then you keep trying to improve it. You see doctors. You read books and watch films to help you. You listen to audios. You go to churches. You go to temples. You pray and pray and pray and you meditate. You try to connect spiritually. And you feel soooooo alone.

And your anxiety is all over the place. People misunderstand you. They get angry at you. You have good things happen then you have people that makes remarks and are jealous. It makes you feel worse about having good things happen to your life.

Again sorry if words got replaced with something else.

And you forget things.

I am just really low now.

There is hope. There is hope. I am going to get together with my love. I am going to get married again. I am going to gave my own place. I am going to have my dog back. I am going to have my career. I am going to have money. I am going to be wealthy. I am going to be well. We all are going to be well. We all are strong.

[gayleggg]

Sound like your anxiety is pretty strong, but I'm glad you still have a positive outlook.

[eggplantlife]

Thank you gayleggg. Did not reaLize it was anxiety. I thought I was over that.