I'm scared of following my dreams.. As a child, if I even dared to utter them, my mum would act as judge and jury, determining whether my dreams were 'good enough'.. If I wanted to do something she didn't like, she'd alter between giving me the silent treatment and flying into horrifying fits of rage..

I wonder how I can get over the fear.. My therapist seems to think I should share my dreams with my friends and get their support, but I don't feel like they support me.. I feel they're jealous and like it's a game of who's living the best and coolest life.. That sucks

Maybe I should try and find online communities where people share my interests, like travelling.. Maybe they'd be all for supporting me.

[dysphoricspirit]

That seems like a good idea.

Maybe you can clue your friends in on what your dreams and aspirations are, without revealing too much and see how they react. You can avoid the 'negative' friends altogether, and focus on those friends who share your interests, or at least are supportive.

[Perna]

I would join real life groups that share your interests. I would also look hard at what my "interests" are and whether they are practical for who I am? If you are interested in travelling, I would assume you have traveled some? If you have not traveled, are just reading books and looking at movies/documentaries, etc. then you need some practical experience in travelling before you can say, "Yes, that's an interest of mine I want to pursue". Otherwise it may just be you enjoy reading about travelling and it is not a "dream" that needs living?

What I am saying is that dreams are very complicated and not something you are either doing or not doing/living or not living. My local community college has lots of bus trips to major cities on the East Coast of the United States. If I want to see how I liked travelling, I would take one of the bus trips or create my own trip (if I anticipated travelling alone) to take locally. Often what we imagine a dream will be like is not what it is like at all but it takes time and practice and working with the dream in many of its aspects to see that.

Our dreams really don't have much to do with others, unless we are dreaming we want to be with others. But even "being with others" can have multiple facets. Having a partner is different from being in a group; being in a church group and visiting Israel is different from working on a kibbutz but all of those, even though they are with other people, are ultimately about us and being with us. Picturing ourselves rich and famous and happy and healthy and with companions, etc. is just part of the motivation, not the dream itself. I use to imagine being an philanthropist and would spend hours working on creating charities and how I'd use $10,000,000 :-) But then one day I got real and looked at what I had now and how I could use what I have now to match my Andrew Carnegie spirit. I came up with a small idea of saving a small amount of money and giving it as a "scholarship" for buying poorer college students' books. I tend to think in terms of having to buy all their books for multiple students but what if I saved $25/month and gave away a single $150 twice a year, fall and spring semester? What if I saved/invested that money and gave it to my "favorite" niece when she went off to college/in 5 years? Why just give to charities someone else has established instead of making it personal?

I would start "doing" something, anything, toward a dream of yours; buy yourself a motivating t-shirt or new pair of hiking boots? Join a walking club to get in shape for travelling and then tell a friend or two what you're doing and why? Get on the subway and "map" the city your way, taking notes and write up a little guidebook for yourself. Buy a guidebook of your area and travel to some of the destinations in there. The best way I've found to get over fears is to engage them in some small way. Being afraid is all in one's head, not part of reality as fear is always about the future, not the right now that you are "doing". If I am afraid of not having any friends when I am 82, going out now and making some new friends can help make that fear go away. We're all beginners at things we have never done and beginnings can be scary. But we have to begin to get over that?

[iwonderaboutstuff]

Your dreams are YOUR dreams, things you believe will make you feel good, there is nothing ridiculous about that!

One way to achieve what you want in life is to put yourself around others who are already doing, or working toward, similar goals. I think connecting with a group, online or irl, is a great idea.

Thank you for your input, I really appreciate it!

I've travelled quite a bit, both with friends and on my own. I absolutely love it!
The thing is, I'd pretty much like to devote my life to it - just work so I can save money and once I've got enough, go on my travels. But my mum was dead set against this. She wanted me to go to school and live a 'normal' life - like there's anything abnormal about wanting to travel!

It really bums me out that even my friends who get to travel a lot more than I do seem miffed when I talk to them about making travelling a lifestyle. And sure, I can do all of this on my own, but I'm tired of it - tired of having people turn against me just because I want to live my life my way! I'm tired of fighting and not having anyone cheer me on during tough times - because realising our dreams is often hard work, too!

Oh well, gotta find the right people for the job thanks again for 'listening'!

[CopperStar]

Behold the internet, helping people with demented abusive-*** families realize that their parents were dead-wrong since 1990.

In totes seriousness, though, my mother was the same way. I should have ignored her and followed my heart. I didn't. Much regret. Don't be like me.