Mother Issues

I love my mother, I really do. I just can't seem to properly converse with her though. She gets irritated over such small things though and throws a massive fit. Today she was upset when she got home because the kitchen was dirty, so she threw our Christmas tree over and made a rude comment to my grandmother. Then she proceeded to furiously clean the kitchen and said that she would start cleaning the kitchen from now on after she gets home from work. I politely tried to tell her that the kitchen was dirty because people have been sick in the house and she told me that that was a sh***y excuse. I am still in high school and have to take care of my grandmother (who is blind and really sedentary), my 8 year old sister who cannot feed herself, and a puppy who needs affection and bathroom breaks. We also have a lot of cats that need monitoring plus I am behind in online school. It is understandable that I really just want to leave the house when I have been busy all day and my mom comes home to point out things that are not spotless while she gets angry. Her fury consists of self-pitying, stomping around the house, throwing things at walls, slamming doors, and insulting people. I also have been told to shut up numerous times which has never helped with my self-esteem. Other than that she is a wonderful mother that is fiercely protective and very strong. She is a single parent and times are hard. I just need to know how I can talk to her without her shutting down and getting pissed off at me. It is hard.

My mother is a compulsive neat nik. She values cleanliness over people's feelings, which makes communication difficult. I think you sound mature and are not bouncing off the walls about this. How calm you seem is impressive.

Anger is not easy to talk through. In some ways there is a compromise in living in the same house with someone prone to anger. It is also sounding abusive so it is necessary to try to minimize how much you are exposed to it.

I have learned a lot about myself caring for others and compassion and caring have been nurtured. It sounds like you are a caregiver also. Is there someone else around that can keep your mother from going over the top with anger?

I think you could benefit from finding positive role models in your life as relatives or friends and keep nurturing yourself in those relationships. Your mother needs to get help when she is ready. But you can nurture yourself right now.

It is hard, but you are not alone. There are many nice, caring people here. Feel free to private message me or any community liason by left clicking on their name underlined in blue to the left of the post and selecting Send a private message to .....[their name]

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I agree with CANDC - you do sound really calm and mature. (I'm trying to imagine what I would have said at your age!) *hugs*

I'm sorry hun, you have a lot on your plate. There is no ready easy answer to any of this. It sounds like everything falls on both your mothers and your shoulders. Trying to finance an entire household is very stressful and a hard thing to do. She's probably blowing off misplaced steam. Please don't take it personal. I really don't have an answer. Do you have a counselor to talk too? Somebody you can vent to to help relieve your stress? Life is tough, some more than others, so our prayers are with you. Please hang in there. Maybe she'll see that you are trying and have a moment of compassion? We hope.

If you are old enough, move out and give yourself some space. You will feel better, and get more done.

it is unbelievable how calm you are about this, you have a lot of patience. you should do something about trying to talk to your mother and let her know just how much you have to do and feel like you can't handle it all. I know you probably have already told her a few things, i know i would have at that age, but you do need to let her know you can only do so much. your best bet is to do only what you can do and take it from there. It is not your responsibility to control your moms anger she has to do it on her own. keep hanging in there!!!