[indigo1015]

Why oh why do I do this... I feel so depressed and miserable, I feel like a prisoner who is holding the key to her own cell. I can't break free, or maybe it's that I won't-- but who the hell knows why? I've been trying to eat at last 600 calories every day... hahahahahaha, hasn't happened yet. I'm stressed about my job situation too; I have a kickass externship at a really awesome pharmacy, but I don't think they are hiring-- even if they like me, which I hope they do, it's a small, independent pharmacy, and they already have two techs and the pharmacy runs very smoothly as is. I want to stay in my current town, especially since if I renew my current lease, I'll get a very good deal, but I don't know if that will happen, plus I seriously need a job to come out of this externship. And I have to be where the jobs are. Somewhere. I hate that I am constantly beating myself up, never giving myself a break, always hurting myself somehow. I try and repeat "I am enough, I am worthwhile," and even this statement that some random dude who appeared to be sober made to me in a Starbucks a few months ago-- he came from out of nowhere and said to me, verbatim, "You are special, you are gifted." And then he left. What the hell...?, I thought, t I'm trying to encorporate it into my life as my mantra. I know routine is key, so repeating it often and every time I get those feelings of anger toward myself and self-hatred will make it an automatic reaction in my mind... at some point. But it's taking its sweet time, is all I can say. I am lonely and feel very isolated, I feel like I can't find any people like me. I;m trying to get involved with various activities on Meetup, like recently I've been doing lots of hikes with some very athletic, outdoorsy people. The trouble is, all these athletic and outdoorsy people seem to be incredibly self-righteous and snotty and judgmental about others who aren't like them, plus they never shut up about working out and dieting-- not conversations that I need to be a part of right now. I love to hike because it's so beautiful out here and I can take pictures with my film camera, but I don't know if I can take these people and their **** for much longer. I want a relationship, I need human companionship at the very least, but I feel so ****ed up I don't know if I'm stable enough for that, or if I ever will be. Help, what can/should I do?

[healingme4me]

Would you be able to commute to work, if you renew your lease? If you had to find work in another town, I mean.
If you enjoy hiking, granted this group might not be your fav, but are there other groups around?

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[indigo1015]

I would be willing to commute to a certain extent (hell, I commute right now lol although the trip is only 20 minutes each way). Not 2 hours though, and most of the types of pharmacies that do the work I want to specialize in are at least two hours away. I am looking into other hiking groups, but frankly, wholesome people across the board seem to just be a bunch of snots :-(

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Would you be able to commute to work, if you renew your lease? If you had to find work in another town, I mean.
If you enjoy hiking, granted this group might not be your fav, but are there other groups around?

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[healingme4me]

I hear 'ya. 45Minutes to one hour is my personal cut off point, beyond that just not worth the job. I only have one friend that likes to hike, but she's far from the snooty type..

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[indigo1015]

Lol wish more people round here were like your friend...

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I hear 'ya. 45Minutes to one hour is my personal cut off point, beyond that just not worth the job. I only have one friend that likes to hike, but she's far from the snooty type..

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