[Yismymindblank12]

I just found my rapist.
Who ruined a lot of my life for a very long time and still has some negative effects on me today.

I can't believe I found him again on fb. Like he makes me so sick to my stomach and it's unreal I'll finally may get some closure I wanted. I expected him to be a felon, but he has two kids a family wife etc. I just don't know what to feel, like his family was delusional probably he still is too.

That it feels so weird numbing and painful to touch almost. I'm not crying just numb. I feel very numb. Like it all came back to me now. How much he ruined my childhood and his parents. He hasn't ruined me now, I won't let him anymore, but damn I forgot his face almost till now. I can't believe this.

Just wow.

I should of been dead because of him. I was the problem child because of him, I should of killed myself so many days because of this man who didn't care and got his way, I should of died so many times, and all those fist fights and jumpings and beatings I got all because of him. All those years of torment, I'm finally seeing this for what it is.

It's ****ing disgusting. I can't even feel anything.

[SoupDragon]

(((Yismymindblank12)))

I am sorry you have experienced this. You have survived him and I hope you get some disclosure.

I discovered mine on the internet - he has been successful, PhD - I hope somewhere in his mind he struggles with his conscience.

Take care - Soup

[Yismymindblank12]

I say the same too. I am shocked how I found him. The fact I survived him so many years. I should of been dead if he'd pushed me in the situations he put me in directly and indirectly.
Suicide or someone who wanted to put me six feet under at the time because of that as a boy. I can't believe how he did that.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hmmm yes the EVIL are best left KICKED.

If it were me.

I wouldn't bother looking one more second at his profile.

Does it serve your mental health well in the long run by doing this?

I didn't think so either.

KICK.


[footnote: kick in this reference is not a physical action]

i'm so sorry you had to experience this. Hooligan is right, that man is evil. i don't know what to say other than it must have been a horrific shock.

take care

[gayleggg]

Finding him must have been a shock for you. I run searches trying to find mine but have had no luck. I think that might be a good thing. I don't know if I could face finding out that he was around other young girls where he might could do it again. As I feel guilty for not reporting him. It wouldn't have mattered he would have won. I didn't have a chance in court, but I could have tried.

I'm sorry that this happened to you. I hope you can let it go. He is evil and doesn't deserve to make you miserable any longer. You survived in spite of him. You are a winner.

[divine1966]

So the bastard isn't in jail? Was he ever? It is horrid! So sorry

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Yismymindblank12]

He should be in jail. I can't believe that whole thing. The people who know as in the adults are shocked how that happened. He was originally was going to be tried as an adult, played it off as he was being a kid, during that different mindset in 2001. Mental health was very very psuedo science like it was before then even more everyone thought I was gay and chose that lifestyle to rape him, despite these grown rational adults who were fed these lies by his parents. To humiliate me to intentionally cause harm which they did either physically or mentally, they've affected my life up till I was 17 in the most horrid ways mostly indirectly after I was 10 years old, but I remembered crying and still do.

"mom everyone hates me. What did I do wrong? No one wants me alive and wants me to die. Everyone told me to go to hell for what I did, but I don't know what I did?"

I lived with that for a very long time. The police knew he was hiding the truth intentionally lying they interrogated him and given a lie detector test as well. He definitely failed that and they knew he wasn't remorseful of his actions. Like his father wasn't unto him. It was a very messed up environment I was in the middle of. My parents were never like that to me, but my childhood was mostly of that kind of abuse from him and his parents done unto me.

The fact, I got more hate from being a victim than being a survivor was really messed me up the most and how long it affected me till highschool. I moved away plenty of times and to different school districts to avoid that. My parents were very protective. I can't thank them enough, for what they did, but I can't say how indescribable the pain feels now. It hasn't left me since it happened for all those years.

I remember trying to commit suicide by pills or hanging when I was 8. I was diagnosed almost as schizophrenic, but given acute psychosis and PTSD, when I wasn't schizophrenic.

These therapists the state approved for me were all quacks. Pill pushers and blamed me for their bad efforts of being a poor therapist. They thought I was the bully at school when I didn't start any of the fights. It spiraled from one fight I got into from letting this kid who picked on me and said horrible things about my dying grandma from alzhiemers and my rape because it got out of my rape publicly very quickly as petty gossip to discrimination. My parents can vouch and my sister and my grandparents the teachers I had who didn't appreciate how mean the parents and the kids were to me.

My third grade teacher Mrs. W didn't like it when I couldn't make it to school when I was sick from the flu. So when I was fine. All these kids hit me and jumped me I cried a lot from the pain and scarred tissue I had from it happening so often. She finally saw the first time, and was mortified and she did let the superintendent and principal know about it, the first one cared about me and the other one didn't care about anyone except fundraising for more money in his pocket, but anyways she took me to a local dairy queen. She didn't have any children, but was like another mom to me. She was very young and nice. I am still thankful for that. I am always tempted to find her to give her the biggest hug today of how thankful I am for that.

My parents weren't around much, I rarely saw my mom only when I was off school somedays. Sometimes I didn't see her for many months because she was working all the time so was my dad. So my parents then and now are sorta the same except I'm starting more of a connection with my parents. I'm used to growing up being raised by so many people. I felt I didn't have a mom or dad, I felt I had a lot of "mommies" and "Daddies" in my words as a kid. I had so much energy and still do. I fight for their attention, because I needed them then and I still do now more than they realize.

It's hard for me to connect with anyone when I haven't felt them show me any emotion and emotional support through everything I've been through. I usually take care of them more or less.

I cry all the time like now it's starting to make me cry a lot, because I needed that all my life.

It's very ****ed up when you want someone to love you, and you want to show them how great you can make them feel good about their self, but they can't give you the same respect not even close to it.

It's why I've been very distant now from everyone.

I dream of this being broken one day. I'd never let this person go.

Sorry I need to go to bed this is too much for me now.