[TheSentinel]

So... after my introduction to this community I now want to lead attention to what is causing me trouble and irritates me so much.

I reuse some of my paragraphs of my introduction for this post.

My psychological treatment started in 2013 when I had a breakdown with severe anxiety and panic attacks. Well attacks isn't the right word as it was a constant feeling which was always present. They stopped right after I started being treated in a psychiatric clinic. But my depression stayed with me. It disappeared around July 2014, then I was kind of back to normal. But I didn't actively stopped my depression and healed. It was just gone and I don't know why. My feelings swing up and down without me doing something for or against it. There could be possible triggers like stress and pressure in situations where I have to prove myself and my abilities.
My therapist has a working thesis (that's what she calls it).
Okay.

I don't really believe in that. I know I have mood swings, I know that I have paranoid thoughts once in a while. I know that I am impulsive. I can be very explosive and losing my temper (I had this, f.e., when I was living together with my mum and always be very angry about her, provoking and fighting with her, sometimes it escalated in a physical fight where she had no chance against me) and then there is this:

"I drank some alcohol and sat there at the admission and where uncontrollable. Laughing and talking nonsense, annoying the nurses and blabbering... and very very funny.
Since then I feel agitated and very good with the urge to do something. Being over the top and then coming down again. Since three days or so it is more up and I positively nervous with racing thoughts (they are too fast for me to think them over). Today I tried to prove that god is a tyrant (he definetly is!) and then went to other things. I can't focus on one thing for more than one or two hours, get distracted very easily and I have sometimes that ideas: Back in my youth I was very sure that everybody can read my minds and I had prove of this. Then I think something is wrong with my mind and then that other people look strangely at me. As if they know something about me... with a smirk on their faces."

I can't tell everything that may be symptomatic so just ask. I want to know what you think about that, if it may be typical for a specific disorder. Everything that comes to your mind may help to clear it up a bit more for me.

[ensconce]

You sound like me when when I am having a bipolar episode to the T. Do you hear voices or see things?