[Aviza]

It's a job I'm not getting paid to do. I'm ok knowledge wise, but not super knowledgeable. My moms computers are all work and no play. I spent 7 hours Halloween night fixing an upgrade issue, despite being exhausted. Tonight an Internet issue, the minute I sit to watch a show they are like come fix this or that. I got frustrated. My weekend has been stressed and I don't get a minute to watch a show!

There's a bad cord it's always disconnecting. Since everything she asks me to do is urgent, I asked her to turn the tv to the channel I was watching, middle of a moment if course I missed. Because of her yelling at me to get up here and fix this. I get there she didn't even turn light on, let alone the show!

Lack of respect and I'm getting fed up.

[seesaw]

I'm sorry, Aviza. Is there anyway you can discuss this with your mom and say, I fix stuff for you all the time, can we agree that I won't do so in the middle of my show but will come just as soon as the next commercial? Or, if you ask me to come fix it immediately, you agree to turn to the channel for me so it's there when I get back or record it for me? I think the only way it's not going to continue to upset you is to look for a solution that works for both of you.

My friend is always "asking", rather hinting very aggressively that I will fix computer stuff for her, even though I am not always feeling like doing it at that moment. What bothers me mostly is that she says, I wonder if Seesaw will fix this for me? Instead of outright asking, hey, Seesaw, will you take a look at X for me? I'm in the mode where I'm not going to rescue people from things and if they need help they need to outright ask. So I do nothing unless she outright asks. Anyways, I understand how it feels to be tech support all the time. I have to show her how to use her TV remote daily. Sometimes it's just irritating when it's something so simple.

(HUGS)

Seesaw

[divine1966]

Do you work outside of home? I am never home so no one asks me nothing. I think maybe because you live at moms and probably rent free your family thinks it's your contribution to the household?

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[ManOfConstantSorrow]

I quite like being the family technical support - I actually know nothing but that is what Google is for. Happily everyone else knows less than nothing so I get quite an aura.

[DBTDiva]

This is definitely a boundary issue. Tell her in a nice way that you're happy to fix whatever she's having a problem with after your show is over/after you've finished whatever you're doing/etc. She may feel that it's always urgent but that's probably not the case. People will take advantage of you for as long as you will let them, so the key is to set realistic healthy boundaries. You're not saying you won't ever help, but you're doing it at a time that is more convenient for you.

If it's a faulty cord that is the issue, remind her that she needs to replace the cord. So the convo would go something like: "come fix this!"
you: "mom, i've told you the cord is the issue. This will keep happening until you buy a new one. I will be happy to come look at it for you once this program is over."
mom: "No come look now."
you: "I'm watching this program right now but I will look at it as soon as it is over."
Just keep repeating yourself until she gets the message. People often don't like when we start to set boundaries because you're setting limits. It benefits her to impose upon you, so she might not take it well at first. Eventually she will get the message, you just have to stick with the boundary.

I hope this helps!

DD

[Aviza]

I work full time, started, a job Thursday. I'm trying to get my divorce stuff situated, I pay her rent, I'm applying for housing. I am not a lazy bum. I need time to decompress once in a while.

[skeksi]

I hear you. I get called to drive 30 minutes to fix computer issues at my parents while my (formerly abusive) brother who lives around the corner is never called because "he works so much." (I have a full time job where I work late a lot, too). I finally advised that they need to write things down as they come up and when I have time on weekends, I will come resolve them. That has helped.

It's frustrating to be the fixer, and at least in my case this is part of my larger dysfunctional family role!