What the hell? Can I say hell? I don't know how to process this.

This thread could go under so many things, depression, anxiety, coping with emotions, survivors of abuse, etc. I have no idea where to put it so I'll put it here and hope for a response.

I received a phone call today from an unknown number. After excessive ringing, I picked up the phone, she said hello and I knew exactly who it was - my mother.

She sounded hyper - almost manic, but maybe just happy? I don't know. I knew I would not be able to keep up and I just started taking notes.

She told me that she is coming to visit my cousin in three to six weeks, and asked if I could meet up with her.

She told me that she is working with refugee children and wants to create a home where she takes them in and cares for them (like a orphanage but not really, I guess?)

She has multiple sclerosis, and said that the MS Foundation is paying for her flight to the US.

She told me that she spent yesterday with my brother (who is apparently out of jail now), bought a smart phone and adopted two kittens.

She told me how she met a woman at the post office who she answered a question for. She then, invited her for coffee and then after coffee for dinner at her house. Sometime while the two were out, they met another woman (details unknown) who they also invited to come over for dinner (who also agreed). On the bus on the way home, they met an African man who asked what was going on, so they told him they were going to dinner at my moms house and they invited him too - he agreed. So apparently they had a dinner that night.

Then, she told me that in the past when I had called her, and she called me, that she didn't handle it well and acted stupidly (her words). She said that she was in a deep depression and could not respond to me as her child. She said that she is healthy, and wanted to start new with me from this point (basically wipe the slate clean). I told her that I was happy that she was healthier now.

She then started talking about my brother and his girlfriend, and how she wants to be there if they ever have a baby. And then about some special birthing process she learned about.

She added my dad again on facebook.

She asked if I was planning to get married or have a family.

And then said she was sad when the convo came to an end, and asked to speak to my grandmother.

I have no idea what i'm feeling right now. I tried to think of a healthy tool to use to help me process my emotions, but I don't know, my head feels like its spinning.

The one thing I can think of is that in my current battle with depression (and just short of a month out of daytreatment), I can understand where she is coming from when she said that she was not able to respond to me as her child. I get it. I don't understand how, in the magnitude of depression I am recovering from, I could not understand or forgive her when I, too, have felt those same overwhelming emotions.

The trip to visit her is just under 14 hours. If she gives me enough notice, I will go visit her. Part of me feels like she will forget to call me though. So i'm not making any set plans yet.

I'm really lost right now as to what to say/feel/do.