[jarajaramelon]

i heard the absence of love is fear. and im scared to fall out of love. does anyone know how not to be scared?

[CANDC]

Doing things positive can be a way to avoid fear.

Here are articles about coping with fear.
Psych Central - Search results for Coping with fear

[KQiao]

Originally Posted by jarajaramelon

i heard the absence of love is fear. and im scared to fall out of love. does anyone know how not to be scared?

I've never heard that before. Also, I'm not quite sure I understand the question. Are you afraid what you feel isn't love because you are too afraid that you are going to lose it?

Or are you afraid that now that you feel love that you fear losing it so much that you are worried that your fear will cause you to lose it?

[jarajaramelon]

Originally Posted by KQiao

I've never heard that before. Also, I'm not quite sure I understand the question. Are you afraid what you feel isn't love because you are too afraid that you are going to lose it?

Or are you afraid that now that you feel love that you fear losing it so much that you are worried that your fear will cause you to lose it?

im afraid that fear causes me to lose it.

[KQiao]

Originally Posted by jarajaramelon

im afraid that fear causes me to lose it.

Have you discussed this with your partner yet? Is there a certain behavior that they have that makes you feel insecure that you could ask them to avoid, or tell them how you feel so that you guys can set clear boundaries?
Like, discuss what types of behaviors are likely to trigger insecurity on your part, and discuss what behaviors of yours are likely to become invasive to your SO. Once you have a clear idea of the rules, it's easier to focus on enjoying the game, as it were. Communication seems like it may be a key component in addressing this situation, and since your partner is going to be impacted they definitely need to be kept informed on the topic. If you need to, you might explore couple therapy to help facilitate the maintenance of your relationship.

Also, maybe spend some time doing things by yourself when you aren't with your partner. Like schedule at least an evening a week where you kick him out to go hang with his friends, and you go hang out with your own friends or go treat yourself to a movie and some pizza. This serves to give your partner space to do things that interest them that you might find boring, and gives you a reminder that you don't actually need the other person in order to function by yourself. A lot of times, first/real love acquires a sense of urgency that forces people to feel like they have to live in each other's pockets, but it's important to remember that love enhances what is there, rather like icing on a cake. Like icing, if there's no cake underneath it will have a tendency to either make a person who keeps trying to eat it sick or it will collapse under its own weight. Don't be your partner's icing replacing their cake, or allow them to become yours...

Actually, that example may have gotten away from me.

Point being, open communication so you know when each other are feeling insecure, and making sure to spend some time apart so you don't fall prey to the common mistake of feeling like you have to spend every moment with your partner to the point that you guys get sick of each other are reasonable places to start.