I find myself indifferent. After a separation, filing for a divorce. I have gone through anger, loneliness, depression. Now nothing seems to matter. I feel numb. I had cancer last year which is now in remission, yet now I feel that there is nothing to live for. I keep obsessing about my mentally ill spouse that left in crisis, never to return. And there is nothing I can do about it. I just keep thinking of them. I feel them in bed, by my side, on my pillow. I see them in the shower, sitting in the chair. I see their lovely face, all the wonderful things that I fell in love with them for. Now they are gone. I feel empty, unfulfilled. I am at a lost. I think what is the purpose of living? I just sleep or sit around with the ambition not to do anything. The person I care for and did things for is gone and it all seems like now I just do for selfish people who don't appreciate anything. I miss the smell of them, their skin, the feel of their touch. And I am alone, so alone. The cat even misses them. Yet I have a sense of peace and an emptiness all at the same time. And I find myself distracted, my thoughts a million miles away. Thoughts I can never share with another human being. And I just exist day to day.

[marct]

I am also separate from my spouse and really have very little friends. I find myself alone all the time in my townhouse. I can relate to you. lets try to help each other get thru this ****** chapter of our lives.