[fijiisland]

I feel as if I have nothing left. my kids are too old and they don't respect me anyway. I don't talk to any relatives. All I do is go to work (which I hate) and come home and lay down on my bed and go online.

I have no one to talk to anymore. I am wasting away. I feel awful and my thinking has become distorted I think. I don't even care about wrong or bad things that I do.

I can't even say what I have done on here because I will get yelled at.

When I was younger all I wanted was a husband, a nice house, a nice life and none of that means anything to me. I feel I don't deserve any of that. I am in my 40's now. I feel like I have lived my life on drugs the past 15 years. I actually have. I have been taking antidepressants on and off since then.

I realize that when I am on them it blocks some anger but it makes me do stupid things. both times I got pregnant I was on them and I have partaken in risky sexual behavior while on them. I got divorced (a good thing) when I stopped taking them. I want to go off but feel as if I will break things or go crazy dealing with what I have to in my life.

I do things based on what other people want because I have no friends to do anything with. If I get bad attention I take it because that is all I have. If a man shows interest in me even if he is taken, I accept it.

I feel as if I am alone, unworthy and I just take beatings all day.

Almost every decision I have made has not been what I have wanted to do for me. Instead, I have made decisions based on what I think other people would deem I ought to do.

[Skeezyks]

I am so sorry to read of your despair, fijiisland. I send warm wishes to you in hopes that you will be able to find the strength to persevere & perhaps ultimately to triumph over your present despair.

[annoyedgrunt84]

I wish I had something really encouraging to say right now,all I can say is you're not alone.