[Parkersara190]

I'm a girl at college. There's this boy I've met at college. He's brilliant, absolutely adorable, and the sweetest human being I've ever met. I mean, this kid will run himself ragged and put himself at risk to help random people. He won't kill insects indoors and would rather spend an hour getting them outside. He was brutally beaten and when he found that his attacker was poor and hungry, he bought him food and left him what little money he had anonymously. He is such a little sweetheart. He's really underweight; extremely underweight. He's frail, fragile and weak. I like him a lot, but I have these destructive desires to hurt him. Of course I don't act on them, but they are there. He's so weak physically and such a pacifistic little sweetheart that I know I could physically dominate him if I wanted to. I think he's really cute; he has big brown eyes and dark, longer straightened hair that covers his eyes. He's a little cutie, but it's that innocent, fragile look that makes me have these feelings. I care about this kid and he cares about me. I have no intention of acting on these desires, but I have them anyway. Does anyone have any thoughts?

[mugwort2]

Not sure what to tell you. By hurt I assume you mean physically. Right? How well can you control your thoughts on hurting him? Somewhat offtopic him bieng extremely overweight I'm concerned for his health. If you think you'll go through with your thoughts on this matter please go to a mental health professional asap. Good luck to you.

[Parkersara190]

Originally Posted by mugwort2

Not sure what to tell you. By hurt I assume you mean physically. Right? How well can you control your thoughts on hurting him? Somewhat offtopic him bieng extremely overweight I'm concerned for his health. If you think you'll go through with your thoughts on this matter please go to a mental health professional asap. Good luck to you.

I'm not sure if it was just a typo, but he's not overweight, he's very underweight; very scrawny, closer to sickly. He used to have an eating disorder and has never been able to gain the weight back. Now it seems his being underweight is caused by illness. He's been having seizures and the neurologist suspects that he has an autoimmune disease.

[Thunder Bow]

The breaf desires might stem from the need to control. Him being weak means you can control him and get away with it. Look and see if you have any control issues in life.

[IceCreamKid]

Wanting to harm others helps the bully cope -- poorly -- with her or his own uncomfortable feelings of weakness or ineptitude. There may be a sexual component in this relationship, too.

I'm not so ready to take what your emaciated friend said about his weight at face value, by the way.

You are better off staying away from him. He needs help that you cannot give to him. Since you are in college, you might see if there is counseling available to help you deal with your need to dominate others when you see yourself as a "girl."

[Angelique67]

Your thoughts of hurting him might be intrusive thoughts stemming from OCD or some other disorder. Have you ever had unwanted thoughts you couldn't get rid of before? It might be something to speak to a therapist about.

[Parkersara190]

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

Wanting to harm others helps the bully cope -- poorly -- with her or his own uncomfortable feelings of weakness or ineptitude. There may be a sexual component in this relationship, too.

I'm not so ready to take what your emaciated friend said about his weight at face value, by the way.

You are better off staying away from him. He needs help that you cannot give to him. Since you are in college, you might see if there is counseling available to help you deal with your need to dominate others when you see yourself as a "girl."

I'm not certain what you mean about taking him at face value about his weight. He's 5'11" and under 115 pounds. If you mean the causes for it, I know his family and know he has health problems. He's been having seizures. Brain cancer is a possibility, but not likely. A degenerative autoimmune disease is what seems more likely right now, according to the neurologist. He just had his first round of testing, so we'll know soon.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

Wanting to harm others helps the bully cope -- poorly -- with her or his own uncomfortable feelings of weakness or ineptitude. There may be a sexual component in this relationship, too.

I'm not so ready to take what your emaciated friend said about his weight at face value, by the way.

You are better off staying away from him. He needs help that you cannot give to him. Since you are in college, you might see if there is counseling available to help you deal with your need to dominate others when you see yourself as a "girl."

[avlady]

i do also think you should see a doc and therapist because of your feeling toward him. you need to work on your controlling issues.

[mugwort2]

Hi Parkersara I meant to type underweight. I think the first step in helping yourself with your problem is recognizing it and I see from your post you do. I hope the docs find out why he is so thin and can help him gain weight. Getting back to you I'm hoping the suggestions here are helpful to you.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by Parkersara190

I'm not certain what you mean about taking him at face value about his weight. He's 5'11" and under 115 pounds. If you mean the causes for it, I know his family and know he has health problems. He's been having seizures. Brain cancer is a possibility, but not likely. A degenerative autoimmune disease is what seems more likely right now, according to the neurologist. He just had his first round of testing, so we'll know soon.

Since you are in so tight with his family that his neurologist speaks directly to you, I suggest you tell the neurologist that you want to hurt this young man. That will be one way to get the help you need, since his needs are already being taken care of, by his family and doctors.