[SCP-122]

Ever since my brother left for boot camp, people have been so focused on my brother. I'm not mad at my brother because he's doing a lot of good by enlisting with the Marines. I know it's natural for my parents to be worried and
excited for him; I am too. The issue is that I feel completely inadequate
compared to him sometimes because he's off getting ready to do something
and I'm stuck at home with no job. It's not like I don't try to better myself and
I know my parents aren't putting tons of pressure on me so I'll feel bad but I
just feel so angry when I hear all the cool stuff my brother is doing.

My brother can do no wrong. He gets accolades at every turn for his life and successes while I get looked down upon. I doubt some even know my name. I'm merely the sister. It is bad enough hearing people talk positively about him but what really hurts is when they turn to me and say, "Isn't it wonderful about your brother?" Aaaaargh!

And then there is my own jealousy about the life he leads; the things he does or is able to do at the merest of thoughts. It has been this way since childhood when mom thought he could do no wrong.

Yes I love my brother but I too have a hard time removing his fabulous life from when I think about him. Never have we been compared eually.

I haven't found a way to do this. I can't change the way people think.

But what I could do was try to ensure this never happened to my children. I was always quick to point out my other child's positive successes - and sill do now that they're in adulthood.

Are you close enough to your parents to talk to them about this, your feelings, and that they could maybe do the same? That they celebrate you too>

[Thunder Bow]

Remember, comparing yourself to others is a short cut to feeling bad about yourself. Joining the Marines is not always a good idea.

[IceCreamKid]

What is it you want to do with your life?

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Remember, comparing yourself to others is a short cut to feeling bad about yourself. Joining the Marines is not always a good idea.

Why are you comparing? You're different people with different needs/personalities/talents/etc. Do your parents compare you?

[SCP-122]

Originally Posted by DBTDiva

Why are you comparing? You're different people with different needs/personalities/talents/etc. Do your parents compare you?

No, they don't compare. It just feels like it sometimes.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by SCP-122

No, they don't compare. It just feels like it sometimes.

By outside standards, my sis is the successful one in the family. Even though she spent years wallowing in depression and indecision about her future, she hid it really well by having a boyfriend who made lots of $$ that supported her and running up credit card debt. Then she landed a job making $60K (even though it's basically her first career-track job) and moved to a bigger city like she always wanted to do. But she has an untreated personally disorder, can't sustain a relationship without really abusing a partner, and is unhappy a lot of the time when she's not putting on her "I'm a fabulous hipster" act.

I was always the "black sheep" of the family who never did what I was supposed to do. I don't make as much money as her but I feel like I'm infinitely more successful. I'm happy, I get up most days happy with my life, even if depression is bringing me down I know that's my brain chemistry. Focus on what makes you happy, decide what will bring you joy and go out and do it. Many people who seem great and to have perfect lives from the outside are miserable.

[harmlessgirl]

I used to feel the same way about my brother. I had hopes of becoming a designer (graphic/fashion/interior), however my mental health started to decline and college was impossible. My brother seemed to get everything I was hoping to get...he went to the art school I was dying to get in to, became a graphic designer, started working where I used to intern at, ect.

When I reached an age where I realized that my brother didn't really have his crap together either, just in different ways, it kind of made him seem more human and not just my mom's favorite. It was tough though, before I had that realization. I had to constantly remind myself of the things I'm doing well and to not put so much pressure on myself.

You and your brother are totally different people. For you, just getting out of bed may be a huge accomplishment - "normal" people usually don't see this as a "real" accomplishment because they don't understand depression. When you're depressed, getting up can be one of the hardest things you do.

YOU ARE JUST AS IMPORTANT AS YOUR BROTHER!

Side note: My husband joined the Marines 3 years ago. Bootcamp SUCKS. I can't begin to tell you the grueling things he had to go through. If it's any consolation, I can tell you right now your brother is NOT having any fun. Haha.