My heart just stopped

My mom was severely injured and hit by a semi truck on the highway after fishtailing in her vehicle she's going through tests now. I just want to die now.

Praying for you

prayers being said for your mom and you, hugs

I'm at a lost for words. She's extremely lucky but I'm torn up and messed up now. I just don't want any more of this.

Hey there, hang on in there, you can get through this. Keep posting, we'll keep supporting you. You & your mum are in my thoughts & prayers.

Yesterday or should I say 2 days ago was the luckiest day in my life and almost the worst for certain. You do not know the gravity of how much harder life would of been without my mother around. If she passed away my father and would barely afford rent my young adult life and freedom shattered and I was very close to considering suicide in the following week if she had passed away .

I wouldn't be lost or cowardly of my reality. Because how hard financially I work myself to isolation hell feeling alone very alone. Her death would of definitely killed my freedom and financial opportunities that would be much easier with her as our financial rock foundation.

In effect my dad and I combined be barely making over 20,000 a year and we would either live with relatives friends or anyone who's helping hand appears first but most likely not for long. I wouldn't have barely any opportunity for college ever in my life and my future life goals of my pursuit of personal growth and achievement shattered instantly.

He is a journeyman plumber he doesn't get paid till the job is done which sometimes takes months or even a year depends on the project at hand. He makes good money for constantly working finding new work in and outside his job. I would be in service fast food for my life supporting him and not enough for myself a car would be very difficult to afford so I would walk or the bus. And I would have time for breaks or days off from that point on. I would feel so much of a burden. I would of rather die for selfish desires than stay any longer to witness more suffering of others and myself . I don't get much say to be selfish every once in awhile I don't if any opportunity to feel for or think for myself be active in my own life my parents had no choice because they relied on me heavily to support them and it was fine at first but turned into much suffering for a very long time. I never saw my friends much but they never appreciated me like they used to and feared dating and never thought myself as an equal to others.

When I was 16 dying from a brain infection my mother even though my world fell apart gave me strength and no matter what I've struggled between being alive or ending my life since I was young my mother was responsible to bring normalcy to my abuse I received growing up by a sadistic cruel neighbors and neighborhood of ignorant radical overly zealous simple county folk who either were honest people misguided by rumor in that small town from the rapists parents and other families who had no reason to hate me did to a young boy at 4 to 10 years old.

Always growing up by so many people telling me how horrible I was and never knowing why or what I did wrong after standing up in my classroom at 6 years old to the local authorities and school faculty about his abuse srxually and physically cruel and violent nature of his upbringing he forced onto me.
My mother instead of fighting for me actively chose to give up on helping me that would of brought me peace but instead has shown me to be strong to other people who hurt me everyday and don't understand me. That I will find people who will appreciate and not condemn me for just existing.

Even though I grew up torn between. Hate grief and anger and fear of abandonment she stood by me at my worst when everyone didn't. No one else in the planet had ever done that for me. If she passed away now i would truly as of now be alone. That's why I was considering suicide 2 days ago and let everything happen I waited in my bed waiting for the news of her death or her safe recovery..

You really need to read this on the gravity on her being alive now with me.

Prayers for your mum's continued recovery and comfort & strength to see you through this.

Thought and prayers for you and your Mom