[mf1438]

I've got a therapy session. I'm starting to have an anxiety attack. Why is is always like this. I seem normal and I think about canceling therapy all together and then 24 hours before the session, I start to feel helpless and out of control. I'm afraid to say how I feel. I'm afraid to open myself up to scrutiny.

And today a friend rejected my out of line behavior. I asked for things that were "crossing the line". I don't want to ask for anything nobody wants to give, but I still feel hurt and rejected just the same.

What's wrong with me?

[Skeezyks]

Hello mf1438: I'm sorry you are having this difficulty. I can't really comment with regard to what occurred between you & your friend. I don't see a therapist, or a pdoc either on a regular basis, at this point. When I did, I never felt anxious about it. But I also would never really talk openly about how I felt... open myself up. Even if I went in thinking I would be really upfront about what was going on with me, once I got into the person's office I would just automatically slap a smile on my face & say everything's fine. After a while, I just stopped going.

How much do you participate in your therapy sessions? Do you sit there waiting for questions/topics to be raised or do you yourself get involved? Asking questions, steering topics, set the boundaries, etc?

[mf1438]

I participate in the therapy sessions a lot. Now that the session is over, the anxiety is gone because I don't go back for a week. She gave me an exercise to do and it's causing some trauma. My life seems so screwed up. It goes back to insecure attachment styles. Thanks for the response. I know there is not much to do but to go through the growing pains.

[Born To Succeed]

I'm really sorry to hear you're having such a rough time with going to therapy. I've seen four different therapists in my life and as hard as it was to open up to them and expose my true feelings and thoughts, none of them have ever scrutinized or criticised me for anything I said. Believe me, I told them some things I would never say to most people for fear of rejection.

So I'm curious to know if your therapist makes you feel ashamed or unacceptable for what you think and feel. If that is the case, you should look for another therapist. It isn't the therapist's job to judge us. It's his/her job to help us make sense of what we are going through in our lives.

However, if that isn't the case, I would begin your next session by disclosing your anxiety and fear of opening up to your therapist so that they can help you work through that before moving forward. That could be a huge piece of information for them that will help you immensely in the long run.

Also, please remember that therapy usually requires some vulnerability. It's just the nature of it. When you go to your doctor to get help with a physical wound, you have to expose the wound before the doctor can help you. Therapy is no different and it can definitely be a catch-22 if we are afraid of exposing our inner wounds. But in the end, you're best off asking yourself what would be best for you.... closing yourself off to therapy in order to avoid the anxiety (and continue living with your wounds), or open yourself up and experience some discomfort in the short-term, with the payoff of enjoying a better life in the long-term. The choice is always yours.

[Dancer29]

If your current style of therapy doesn't work out for you, find a different type/therapist.

Advice for opening up:
1) Understand that people won't hate you, for expressing your emotions.
2) Realize that there are people that can help you or atleast listen, if you want to talk
3) People care about you; random strangers care about you, because you're human like the rest of us