Do you feel yourself affected by strong emotions of other people around you? I have read up on this as it's something that affects me and believe it is possibly to do with weak boundaries, that it is something associated with high levels of empathy and also to the highly sensitive person .

For example, this week I have had three people needing emotional support (2 in my personal life, 1 in my professional), who have been distraught, my instinct is to calm, to soothe, whilst validating their sadness. I want to do this, I care very much about others sadness - and at the time I can do this effectively.

However, in the following days it's almost as if I feel their pain, as if a cloud follows me. I realise my sphere of influence (anyone's for that matter) is limited, but I still feel sad I can't help other that to hug and comfort.

I must add it can and does work in the opposite way; when someone is happy and has good news I feel wonderful for them.

I recognise this is probably a boundary issue, have heard that I need to draw a mental line and detach from others distress, however I have been unable to do this despite being aware of the theory.

Anyone else feel this? Have you found an effective way to keep those emotional boundaries?

Thanks.

[BrazenApogee]

This would be a form of Self Care. I did a post on Self Care and got only one response. I am interested to know if others have an answer for this post on other people's emotions.

I am still learning about self care so, I don't have much to provide for an answer here.

I think maybe remembering it's not about you, it's about them may help. Doing general self care things, like going for a walk, seeking your own social support, or other things that may distract your mind will make you feel better.

Boundaries are important. What I think you are talking about is an internal boundary. "This pain, although I can feel it emphatically and understand it, is yours not mine."

I would call this empathetic

Personally, I think what you do is something wonderful. I can tell from your posts here that you are a sensitive person and genuinely care about others. We need more people like you here. I'm not sure why you need to draw boundaries with people whom you care about (like people in your personal life)?! You might not be able to change their situation instantaneously, but I'm sure you can make them feel at least a little better, and I think you are one of those people who helps in doing so by showing empathy to others, instead of bombarding them with emotionless and critical advice like some people here who I doubt that they help at all. I think I'm not as helpful with others, but I try to help when I feel someone is in pain. But if I failed in person (which I usually do because of my lack of social skills to express myself), I would imagine how they feel when I'm alone. I know it's not helpful for them this way, but I guess it's the way how I empathize with others whom I care about.

Originally Posted by BrazenApogee

This would be a form of Self Care. I did a post on Self Care and got only one response. I am interested to know if others have an answer for this post on other people's emotions.

I am still learning about self care so, I don't have much to provide for an answer here.

I think maybe remembering it's not about you, it's about them may help. Doing general self care things, like going for a walk, seeking your own social support, or other things that may distract your mind will make you feel better.

Boundaries are important. What I think you are talking about is an internal boundary. "This pain, although I can feel it emphatically and understand it, is yours not mine."

Thanks, I agree about self care, this is something I worked on following depression. It does help me to see friends, exercise, other positive actions.

As for internal boundaries, I do try the "Your stuff/my stuff", but often fail particularly if someone is in acute distress. It's like jumping into the water to save someone and forgetting the life-belt.

I think this is something I need to work on, the techniques on those internal boundaries. Thanks for your input and good luck with your self care.

Originally Posted by Wandering Soul

Personally, I think what you do is something wonderful. I can tell from your posts here that you are a sensitive person and genuinely care about others. We need more people like you here. I'm not sure why you need to draw boundaries with people whom you care about (like people in your personal life)?! You might not be able to change their situation instantaneously, but I'm sure you can make them feel at least a little better, and I think you are one of those people who helps in doing so by showing empathy to others, instead of bombarding them with emotionless and critical advice like some people here who I doubt that they help at all. I think I'm not as helpful with others, but I try to help when I feel someone is in pain. But if I failed in person (which I usually do because of my lack of social skills to express myself), I would imagine how they feel when I'm alone. I know it's not helpful for them this way, but I guess it's the way how I empathize with others whom I care about.

Thank you so much for your kind words Wandering Soul.

I really hope I have made a few people feel a little better with my posts here, funnily enough I accept that my input here is "a drop in the ocean" more readily than in real life interactions, and I agree often posters need validation more than 'advice'. It's easier to keep boundaries in an online situation, I don't mean to sound cold but I keep an arms length distance in all my purely online interactions.

In terms of boundaries, well I wonder how much my empath/sensitive nature lead to my depression, I suspect there was a link. As in the reply above there's no good in jumping into the sea to rescue someone without a lifebelt, I'm no good to others if I go down too, particularly my family. So I feel I need to work on those boundaries, so I can empathise and support without 'going down'.

I see a lot of very sick people in my profession, people who will never get better, that can be hard to deal with sometimes. It drives my compassion, but at the same time it can break my heart. That sounds a little dramatic, but I have been to quite a few funerals recently.

You know WS you write about your lack of social skills, and maybe that is a challenge for you to work on, but I think you are refreshingly open and authentic in your posts here, that is not something everyone can do. I hope you will keep that quality, it's not all that common.

[Bolivar83]

Thanks for writing about this - I've felt this, too.
I have very porous boundaries, so it's easy to slip into someone elses moods/emotions at times.

I try to ask myself: Is this emotion/situation mine? And tell myself that I trust the other person to handle their own lives/find their own solutions, if they need my input/assistance, they'll ask for it. I think I can be more helpful if I can provide clear headed support rather than echoing their emotion back to them.

I seem to have sympathy confused with intimacy in my mind - what I mean is, by immersing myself in others emotions I feel I am closer to them, the relationship is stronger. I'm leaning that insisting on carrying other peoples emotional burdens isn't helpful to them or to me (not that this is what you or others are doing - just a reflection of my own tendencies).

I'll look forward to seeing how others deal with this. Thanks again for raising the question....