[Aviza]

Suicidal thoughts today. Facing criminal charges, trial in 2 months. Needed a good cry but was at work and unable to decompress enough to actually release. Had suicidal thoughts, enclosed garage, Pandora music, adios.

Sent my daughter a text telling how her new hair is cute on her, and she really seems more confident since she's changed her look, and let her know I love her. Wanted her to have positive thoughts of me if I did end things.

After I released a bunch of tears during a country drive. It dawned on me the prosecuting attorney hinted to me how to resolve this case. He asked if I had the payment letter, I said yes, he asked if I had paid it, I said no, I was waiting to see how court went. Now I know to submit payment for the bad check using a money order, and along with a letter explaining my willingness to pay the additional fees. Not sure if it will resolve it but it will be much harder to prove my ill intent if I actually offer to pay it off.

Problem is money is limited in my life, and expenses are HUGE. Student Loans, Back Taxes, Medical, Rent, Car, Ins., of course food, clothes, gas. But now I have to choose repayment or attorney. I'm going for the repayment and hoping the charges are dropped. It's all I can do.

I'm so weak, so broken, so tired of struggling through life. They only reason I keep on keeping on is my daughter.

My supervisor told me I did great today. Work is going well, but I'm a license holder, if I get these charges I will lose my license. I'm so devastated at the thought of it all, just devastated.

[growlycat]

Hang in there. Your daughter needs you and loves you.