Negative life events and mental illness

My doctor has told me not to mention negative life events when I tell her how I am doing. I have gone through some more health care abuse and losses (deaths). And something that came out to be OK but would have been life altering if it had come true, but I didn't know for ages. And illnesses in the family.

She says this has nothing to do with mental illness. She means it is wrong to pathologize negative life events and they happen to everyone. That you cannot claim to have worse mental health because of those events. You just have normal life happening to you.

I understand that to a point. But then I am thinking this. If someone who is normally mentally healthy has a loss, they might have better abilities to get through it. It will hurt just as bad, but maybe they have some more resilience? Am I bad for thinking that? And thinking it can be harder to bounce back from normal negative events if you are mentally ill? I feel that is the case.

I have never claimed normal suffering is mental illness. Just that people who are already unstable might have a harder time handling things. Am I really that off thinking this?

My doctor says I cannot speak about anything than pure mental illness with her. Right now I am going through something that is one of the hardest things I had to do my entire life. Yet I have to show up at my doctor and be normal like it didn't affect my mental health. I guess I just have to fake my way through the appointment. She doesn't give me many so I guess it should be OK... She also does not tolerate me using my emergency med for life events. Just for suffering that only comes from inside. So yea, I will have to lie to her.

(And no, I cannot change doctors, this one at least prescribes my meds, my last one failed to do so, on purpose. And I cannot live without meds.)

I disagree with your doctor. My experience is that my mental illness has limited the resources I have to deal with life events. Mostly because of low income. I have been on SSDI since 2000. My son has not had health insurance and my income exceeded the eligibility for CHIP by $200. It did not matter that his pdoc cost $95/visit and I had to pay cash for his meds that well exceeded $200/month. We are unable to afford routine dental cleaning and now my son needs to have oral surgery. My mom helps out as much as she can but my son and I still have limited options.

In June my house was affected by the WV flood disaster. FEMA gave me only $2000 which doesn't begin to cover the damage. I am looking more at $20,000 for repairs. I was told by the FEMA inspector to apply for a low interest SBA loan after I received my initial FEMA grant. I was denied that loan because my income is too low to repay the loan. So because we cannot afford to repair my damaged septic system and sewer is not available in our rural area we have been using five gallon buckets for our toilet needs and emptying it behind the barn where I put my horse's poop when he was alive.

When I was employed as a nurse I had a good income and had the ability to work overtime when I had a financial need. Being on disability has changed all that.

I get that all people go through life changes such as illness, grief from death and disease and unfortunate life circumstances. But I really think your doctor misunderstands how mental illness can affect the larger picture of coping with life events.

Our mental health does impact how we handle negative life events, and vice versa. I don't see how these could be inseparable. If something bad happens to you and you're already depressed isn't it going to make the depression worse? While I understand your doctor's logic, it still seems to reason that if an event is impacting your mental health you should talk about it.

That's tough on you and I'm sorry you can't change drs.

I totally agree MH issues do impact on how we cope with life events - the whole thing is interwoven. To disconnect them is black & white thinking IMO.

Sorry I can't think of any suggestions, except to maybe say to her briefly "I'm aware I can't mention to you my recent life event but that has impacted on my mental state significantly" and leave it at that.

Thanx guys. I dont need advice but i needed to hear what others think.

Hi there, my name is Kristen. When I read your post it was like I had written it. I have a mental illness and I happen to know for a fact that I am not like normal people who can cope and handle severe stress. I am on medication and have gone to therapy, but the fact is that my emotions run deeper than most. I feel deeper especially with trauma and stress. And if you feel guilty about your own feelings which you have a right to feel while talking to your doctor, you need to get another doctor. Nobody should or can tell you how you are supposed to feel or that i'ts not part of your illness. You know your own brain and how it works. I just went through this myself with my sister. I had a terrible tragedy happen to my son and granddaughter a couple of months ago. I am still feeling the effects from it. My sister told him that I shouldn't feel that way now because time has passed and they are going to be okay, and I tried to explain to her that I am not like other people who can just move on. I feel deeply and I can't and won't apologize for my feelings. They are my feelings whether others think it's right or wrong. I just wanted to let you know that you are not wrong and please don't feel guilty. We are who we are and each person has their own way of coping with things regardless of how others think we should think or feel. I hope this helps you, because I can totally relate.

[QUOTE=KristenRenee;5266218]Hi there, my name is Kristen. When I read your post it was like I had written it. I have a mental illness and I happen to know for a fact that I am not like normal people who can cope and handle severe stress. I am on medication and have gone to therapy, but the fact is that my emotions run deeper than most. I feel deeper especially with trauma and stress. And if you feel guilty about your own feelings which you have a right to feel while talking to your doctor, you need to get another doctor. Nobody should or can tell you how you are supposed to feel or that i'ts not part of your illness. You know your own brain and how it works. I just went through this myself with my sister. I had a terrible tragedy happen to my son and granddaughter a couple of months ago. I am still feeling the effects from it. My sister told him that I shouldn't feel that way now because time has passed and they are going to be okay, and I tried to explain to her that I am not like other people who can just move on. I feel deeply and I can't and won't apologize for my feelings. They are my feelings whether others think it's right or wrong. I just wanted to let you know that you are not wrong and please don't feel guilty. We are who we are and each person has their own way of coping with things regardless of how others think we should think or feel. I hope this helps you, because I can totally relate.[ey QUOTE]

Hey one more thing. I just read you cannot change doctors and the reason why. I went through that as well. You can go to a higher source perhaps the administrator who sees over everything, even doctors and say how you feel. I did this one time, and it worked and I got results.