[Michelea]

Not really sure why I wanted to post this here instead of just thinking about it myself. Have been feeling more broken/depressed for awhile. Then my car broke down tonight, and I just don't care.

I am not emotional, I am not upset, I just don't care.

Started dwelling only on the darker parts of my life once I got home. Have been living off savings for several years, and no longer trying at all to find work, even though the money will run out. Ended a 2-3 year relationship that I thought would last forever after he started wanting to control odd things. (like my not being allowed to say male names?) Have a son who did not go to college because of an "oops" baby. My other son is an addict who I threw out of the house about a year ago, no contact for last 6 months of it. A brother who, because of sudden and serious health issues, a chronically ill wife, along with being laid off, needed financial help. I of course failed on helping very much because I am living on savings and not looking for a job. The list goes on.

Then I told myself no, and I made myself think about things in a better light. Yes, I am living on savings, but only because I am fortunate enough to have savings. Yes, a serious relationship ended, but it would have only gotten uglier if I had stayed. Yes, there was an oops baby, but I have a grandson that I love, and I feel so proud when I see what an amazing father my son is. He and his SO are now balancing work, school, and raising their son. Yes, I have a son who is an addict (alcoholic), who I thought I was going to lose, but I didn't. He has been coming over again recently, sometimes for days. He is working part time and looking for more work. He actually thanked me for kicking him out, because he needed to fall that to make him want to quit. We are closer than we have ever been. Yes, I could not help my brother with large financial amounts, but our family came together and everyone did what they were able to do, financial and otherwise. I am very lucky to be part of this family.

Even my car breaking down tonight had a small upside. I had taken my son back to his apartment, and it broke down at the apartments. So, it is parked in a safe place for tonight, and one of my son's roommates gave me a ride home, so I did not have to look for a ride. Much better than on some dark road calling people for help, right?.

Still not sure what made me want to put this here, but writing it out helped. Thanks for taking the time to read this ramble.

Michelea, I admire your ability to look at the positives.

Thanks for sharing so much! You are dealing with so much! I hope some good things come your way in the future.

[setfree29]

I enjoyed reading your post. How you turned your situations around into positives. Good for you!

[Michelea]

Thanks for the hugs and replies.