[rdgrad15]

I have this thing where I am extremely cautious in social situations, more cautious than most other people and this results in me being labeled as paranoid or just being weird about it. This usually happens more so in group gatherings than one on one but if someone asks why I didn't just join a group conversation with certain people, I will mention how I feel like I may annoyed the people talking and I wanted to be considerate and wait until they approached me. In the past, this has caused me to be labeled as paranoid or weird.

From past negative experiences, I am not the kind of person to go to a social gathering and just randomly invite myself into a group conversation. I always just got flat out ignored or received annoyed looks from others. I just don't like being considered annoying. For me, being considered annoying is worse than being considered overly shy and introverted. As much as I want people to know that I really want to be friends with them, I'd much rather them see me as someone who is quiet and stays off to the sides rather than possibly being the annoying person who no one wants around and who invites themselves into conversations. For some reason, people are less tolerant of me doing it than others.

I'll see other people just randomly going up to people who are already talking and introduces themselves to the group and they seem perfectly fine. But if I did it, it would annoy them. So that is why I stay off to the sides and wait until someone talks to me first. This method has caused some people, one of them being a casual friend, to call me paranoid. She was actually one of those people that would just walk up to a group of people talking and join them. Although sometimes they appeared to be annoyed but she wouldn't notice. She thinks I was just being weird when it came to social situations.

She even questioned me once, asking why I assumed no one would want to talk to me and that it is better to not join a group conversation. I gave her my reason and she just said I was being very weird and that I need to stop. I don't think it is weird. I think it is a good thing that I am cautious and want to respect other people's space, but at the same time, I wish people would not assume I am just being paranoid or weird and understand where I am coming from. In a way, I feel like what I do is more respectful than just joining a group of people and introducing yourself.

Do you think I am being paranoid or weird? Do you have any other strategies other than just waiting off to the sides and waiting for other people to talk to you first when you are in a social situation? What would you say to someone when you are being very cautious and trying to be respectful and someone else just labels you as paranoid or weird? Another reason I like to wait off to the sides is because I feel like then people have the option to talk to me or not. If they do, than there is a much higher chance of genuinely wanting to talk.

I feel like if I just randomly introduced myself in a group, they may talk to me out of obligation or politeness so they don't come off as rude and exclusive? Meanwhile, if I wait for someone to talk to, there is a higher chance of someone actually wanting to talk to me. Yes there is still a possibility that they will say hi just out of politeness, but at least I don't have to worry about annoying them. They came to me on their own terms so therefore, they must be okay with talking to me to an extent. It is just the way I am, I don't want to annoy anyone and I don't want to get hurt.

As much as I may still feel disappointed if no one chooses to talk to me, I will still not feel too bad because I didn't force anyone to talk to me by inviting myself into their circle. Introducing myself in a circle and them getting annoyed is a way worse feeling for me because not only did I annoy them, but they most likely only talked to me out of obligation, and I hate it when people talk to me because they feel like they have to, not because they want to.

I'd much rather stand off to the sides, and if no one talks to me then I know that no one wanted to speak to me. Yes I still get disappointed, but I spared them the feeling of being annoyed and me feeling bad about annoying someone or a group of people. Does anyone else have this problem where they are mislabeled by some people just because you are being cautious and respectful? When I stand off to the sides, I don't hide in a corner with my arms crossed. I know that is not good either. I stand off to the sides but still look approachable and ready for conversation. I just feel like that is the best way to act in a social gathering to avoid annoying anyone and being labeled annoying.

[Thunder Bow]

I am that way myself. This only shows you are mature and intelligent. Many conversations can be immature in nature, thus boring and shallow. Thus you can be proud of yourself for your maturity.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

I am that way myself. This only shows you are mature and intelligent. Many conversations can be immature in nature, thus boring and shallow. Thus you can be proud of yourself for your maturity.

Makes sense, thank you. Yeah most conversations consist of backstabbing and gossip. And not even the kind where someone actually did something to make someone angry. It is more like someone tearing someone else apart to make themselves feel better.

[JustJace2u]

I get what you're feeling as I've been this way for as long as I can remember.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by JustJace2u

I get what you're feeling as I've been this way for as long as I can remember.

Yep. Better to be safe than sorry. And I honestly think more people should be thay way. I've seen it numerous times where I will be hanging off to the sides and someone else goes along and just invites themselves into a conversation and the other group members are obviously annoyed. And usually the person who invited themselves is oblivious. Better to just wait for them to come to you.