I've been thinking about what I want in life, but it's always been so hard to figure out. I looked at what I was working for right now, which is someday having a job I'm happy doing for the rest of my life. But somehow, I still felt empty thinking about it. I felt like I wouldn't even know how a job would make me happy, but it's more of a blind faith. I supposed a good job would cheer me up and give me a purpose, which gave me a clue about what I really wanted.

I spent more time thinking about it during my day, and tried to think of what has made me most happy in the past. And I realized that I was most happy when I had a good friend, was without anxiety, and felt confidence. I wanted nothing more than to make the world a better place. Meaning, where everyone understood each other and made everyone else happy.

Now, I'm turning into a bitter, cold woman, and I hate seeing myself turn into this, especially knowing how I used to see the world.

I wonder how I can save myself from it. I sometimes think a lot of bitter people would hate to see a young women so innocent still, and how hard it would be to fight against that. I'm told I'm wasting my time when I think about other people, and that I should just focus on myself. But other people are my life. I care about them so much. Yet I have to forget about them?

There's one half of me that thinks everyone else is terrifying, which has been developed over time, and another that's more hidden and still has this innocent way of thinking. I feel like other people are terrifying because they make me think that so many have gone past the point of no return. Or they'll try so hard to fit in that they are no longer themselves. I see it developing in myself.

It could be that I have a very high empathy. Maybe something could be wrong with me. I know a lot of people must be happy to live in what might be a life too materialistic or with too many lies for me, but there's nothing wrong with them. Maybe I'm just a little different is all.

And a hard life growing up made me look for outside validation for everything.

I realize I'm looking for happiness in all the wrong places! If I ever want to be happy, I need to start integrating my real self with my current life. Maybe not all at once, but slowly.

I need to stop acting like everyone else, and stop worrying about fitting in. I need to stop expecting everyone else to make me happy, and maybe learn to approach people instead of expecting them to approach me.

I can't expect degrees and good jobs alone to suddenly make me happy, or fitting into the image of "success."

[MickeyCheeky]

I feel like this, too.. I don't know what to do with my life... how to be happy..

So I can relate I hope you'll find happiness in your life... what you said in the end is very true

[leejosepho]

What I want *from* life (your title) and what I want *in* life (your opening line) might or might not be the same, and I will have to give that some thought. But overall, here is my personal philosophy *for* life and living it: Being true to myself, being true to my people and learning to be content.

Originally Posted by Breezy~Day

...having a job I'm happy doing for the rest of my life.

For perspective there, consider the life of Mother Theresa. Was she "happy"? I do not know, but she was true to herself, true to her people, content with the tasks before her and ultimately esteemed by many.

Originally Posted by Breezy~Day

I was most happy when I had a good friend, was without anxiety, and felt confidence. I wanted nothing more than to make the world a better place. Meaning, where everyone understood each other and made everyone else happy.

Again consider the life of Mother Theresa.

Originally Posted by Breezy~Day

I'm told I'm wasting my time when I think about other people, and that I should just focus on myself. But other people are my life. I care about them so much. Yet I have to forget about them?

People who do that are believing the lie that living for oneself can produce happiness. It might seem to work for a time, and it might even seem to work quite well for a time, but it can only ultimately end in the loneliest-ever place of "nobody but me".

Originally Posted by Breezy~Day

I feel like other people are terrifying because they make me think that so many have gone past the point of no return. Or they'll try so hard to fit in that they are no longer themselves. I see it developing in myself.

For many people, that "point of no return" is/was really just a matter of the ego insisting self-reliance could ultimately fill the bill.

Originally Posted by Breezy~Day

I know a lot of people must be happy to live in what might be a life too materialistic or with too many lies for me, but there's nothing wrong with them. Maybe I'm just a little different is all.

You have yet to fall for their delusion that will inevitably crash and leave them with nothing.

Originally Posted by Breezy~Day

If I ever want to be happy, I need to start integrating my real self with my current life. Maybe not all at once, but slowly.

Sure enough, and there you have "true to oneself, true to one's people and learning to be content."

Originally Posted by Breezy~Day

I need to stop acting like everyone else, and stop worrying about fitting in. I need to stop expecting everyone else to make me happy, and maybe learn to approach people instead of expecting them to approach me.

Exactly, yes!

Originally Posted by Breezy~Day

I can't expect degrees and good jobs alone to suddenly make me happy, or fitting into the image of "success."

That is sanity speaking, and I hope you never lose it!