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  #1  
Old Dec 13, 2016, 12:40 PM
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TheRose TheRose is offline
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I'm finding this the hardest thing to cope with - feeling invisible.

Normally I'm a socially outgoing person so it is not due to being shy or introverted.

But I continue to have situations where I feel like I am not there. I recently attended a wedding and in the greeting line the greeter (who I know very well), did not greet me. There has never been any hard feelings with this person or anything. I found it very odd, he greeted the person in front of me and behind me and I stood there feeling embarrassed. I finally said hi and tried not to get in a tizz over it. I was actually in a great mood, it was a gorgeous sunny day and I was wearing a dress that I felt like a knockout in. But then...

Then at the exact same wedding it happened again. There was a circle of people I was standing in the midst of and an introduction of the groom's father was being made by one of my friends. I was the only person in the group she did not introduce to him. I felt as if I was having a panic attack. She has been friends with me for decades and I was standing right next to her. I almost cried as I felt I was not included. I was too stunned to introduce myself. I looked at my husband helplessly hoping he noticed and would say something, but alas he did not.

When the group broke up I told my husband I want to go home. I explained to him that this happened two times in the last half hour and I feel ill. I reminded him of other instances where the same thing happened. I am not coping with this at all. I feel inadequate and rejected which is worsening my depression.

Has anyone else felt this way? What could be happening to cause this?
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  #2  
Old Dec 13, 2016, 01:14 PM
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Thunder Bow Thunder Bow is offline
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Could be envy towards you. You were looking and feeling to good for them to handle.
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  #3  
Old Dec 13, 2016, 04:01 PM
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TheRose TheRose is offline
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Originally Posted by Thunder Bow View Post
Could be envy towards you. You were looking and feeling to good for them to handle.
Thank you so much for Thunder Bow! I will re-frame this in my memory bank. That actually did help with the sting
  #4  
Old Dec 13, 2016, 10:17 PM
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Yzen Yzen is offline
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I don't like the feeling of being overlooked. I still remember a holiday gathering last year where the host hugged everyone as they were leaving except me. That didn't feel good. I think at a wedding (or a party) it is easy for people to get caught up in the event, get distracted by all the activity and lose track of people right next to them.
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  #5  
Old Dec 14, 2016, 03:27 AM
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sunblossom sunblossom is offline
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I get that feeling. It's very upsetting to be the one experiencing it. There are times when I am talking to people and then I realize they aren't listening to anything I'm saying. I will test my perceptions by saying things that don't make sense. I'll even say things like, 'I'm not sure why I'm still talking because I know you aren't listening. I'll just walk away and you won't even notice.' And they don't. Even if we were the only 2 people in the room.
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  #6  
Old Dec 14, 2016, 08:36 AM
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winter4me winter4me is offline
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I do know the feeling, the experience. It hurts.
Last time, I was in a room and two members of my family were talking about something clearly related to me, but they talked as if I wasn't in the room...felt weird, and lonely.
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  #7  
Old Dec 14, 2016, 12:00 PM
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TheRose TheRose is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yzen View Post
I don't like the feeling of being overlooked. I still remember a holiday gathering last year where the host hugged everyone as they were leaving except me. That didn't feel good. I think at a wedding (or a party) it is easy for people to get caught up in the event, get distracted by all the activity and lose track of people right next to them.
That is a very valid point about getting caught up in the festivity, I didn't consider that and I really appreciate that perspective.

I know part of my sensitivity to feeling left out was due to my upbringing. I was the black sheep of the family and received very little attention. Of course when I did it was trouble

But feeling ostracized is a terrible. Even if you don't particularly want a hug from the person doling them out, getting passed over is awful. Thank you for understanding, and here is a hug
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  #8  
Old Dec 14, 2016, 12:02 PM
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MickeyCheeky MickeyCheeky is offline
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I can relate to this feeling.. I'm sorry you're going through this It sucks
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  #9  
Old Dec 14, 2016, 12:13 PM
Gojamadar Gojamadar is offline
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Hi,
Unfortunately there are people with mild aspergers who are not aware how others feel about them and how they regard them. I'm one of those. Some people may feel superior to me and I have'nt the faintest idea! I'm also sometimes ignorant of how others feel. I have only realised this in my late years. Up to then I just moodled on and thought every one was good to me!
So I would not be hurt if I were you. Just carry on normal!
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TheRose
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TheRose
  #10  
Old Dec 14, 2016, 12:14 PM
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TheRose TheRose is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunblossom View Post
I get that feeling. It's very upsetting to be the one experiencing it. There are times when I am talking to people and then I realize they aren't listening to anything I'm saying. I will test my perceptions by saying things that don't make sense. I'll even say things like, 'I'm not sure why I'm still talking because I know you aren't listening. I'll just walk away and you won't even notice.' And they don't. Even if we were the only 2 people in the room.
Oh sunblossom I certainly know where you are coming from feeling alone in a conversation like that. It is very disconcerting when it occurs.

I have sat through uncomfortable exchanges where it seemed people were talking around or over me. Since it was drilled into me as a child to be seen and not heard, I don't tend to stand up for myself when this takes place.

But I hear you and I appreciate what you say
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winter4me
Thanks for this!
winter4me
  #11  
Old Dec 14, 2016, 12:19 PM
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TheRose TheRose is offline
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Originally Posted by winter4me View Post
I do know the feeling, the experience. It hurts.
Last time, I was in a room and two members of my family were talking about something clearly related to me, but they talked as if I wasn't in the room...felt weird, and lonely.
It does hurt. I have never understood how people can talk about another when you are standing right there. It is diminishing. It makes me feel invisible.

It's the feeling of parents talking about a child standing next to them expecting the child not to understand what is being discussed - but they do.

While I wouldn't wish that feeling upon anyone, thank you for understanding
  #12  
Old Dec 14, 2016, 12:23 PM
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TheRose TheRose is offline
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Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
I can relate to this feeling.. I'm sorry you're going through this It sucks
I'm not sure why this seems to be happening to me with more frequency, or maybe I'm just paying more attention to it? But either way I'm not sure how to address it.

It sure helps to know that I'm not alone though. Thank you for understanding, and yes it does indeed suck.
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  #13  
Old Dec 14, 2016, 12:28 PM
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TheRose TheRose is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gojamadar View Post
Hi,
Unfortunately there are people with mild aspergers who are not aware how others feel about them and how they regard them. I'm one of those. Some people may feel superior to me and I have'nt the faintest idea! I'm also sometimes ignorant of how others feel. I have only realised this in my late years. Up to then I just moodled on and thought every one was good to me!
So I would not be hurt if I were you. Just carry on normal!
Thank you so much for this perspective It had never dawned on me that this may be occurring (because we are caught up in our own thinking right?).

I will definitely keep this in the forefront the next time I'm feeling "not there" by someone's actions. I hope that it will help me carry on and moodle (I love that!)
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