[Solrock]

So the past few months of my life have been bizarre with ups and downs and I’m just going to give all you a crash course that will probably end up making a 100 car pile-up on the interstate.

I’ve been suffering from serious depression since September and the reason that this isn’t in the depression section will make sense in a few minutes. It started with a minor incident that caused me to have an emotional breakdown. (And when I saw minor, I mean that the friend I who was there with me could barely remember the incident a week after.) Now, I get bad anxiety like that once every few months and it can last a few days. So when it happened in this case I thought it was normal.

But no. It came back just in another form. I started thinking bad things about myself. Like I’m immature or I’m a loser. Like I have nothing going for me. These bouts lasted once every few days as September moved into October. I mostly ignored it thinking the depression would go away but it got worse. It got to the point where I was thinking very unhealthy thoughts about ending it all (and no I’ve not had any such thoughts for a month now) and freaking my friends out to the point I decided I should just try to find a therapist despite being short on cash. I did and I got a counselor. I’ve gone to him once a week for a few weeks now. And what a remarkable improvement for me. Yes I have downs still but they’re way more manageable and I’ve stopped questioning if my life is worthless. I feel better. When I have a bad interaction with someone I don’t let it bring me down, even when I’m calling a crisisline and the LCSW on the other end of the line flat out tells my tear-stained face that I’m selfish and that I expect the world on a platter. No, no negativity for me.

So if my life is so great, WHY am I giving you a text wall in the emotional section of this forum?

Because my best friend is also experiencing depression on and off last year and this year. Currently she’s been feeling very depressed and even thinking unhealthy thoughts. And even though she’s been open to me in the past about how she’s feeling, she hid it from me and lied about it because she didn’t want to be a burden on me. I learned this after she told me our telephone conversations aren’t all that interesting, but keep in mind she just doesn’t like being on the phone in general.

But this really affected me and made me feel really ******. That’s when she finally confessed about her depression and really I’ve just felt numb for the next few hours. Why? I don’t freaking know. But I’m worried about her actually harming herself and I know she has no money to see a therapist so the best I could do is maybe suggest she try a crisisline? I don’t know. She says I sometimes help but I feel so useless and I especially feel useless now that I have a slightly better idea of what she’s going through.

It sucks having a depressed best friend especially when YOU’RE depressed. Anything you say to the other can be misinterpreted the wrong way. This friend likes me. She’s been on the hated telephone for two hours worrying about me once. She’s enjoyed being with me more than any of her friends. It’s so easy for me to take the slightest negative thing she says and then be sorry for myself, and it’s so easy to feel so concerned and useless at the same time.

That above paragraph was a bit of a run-on meltdown but that pretty much sums up just what the hell is going on. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to try to ensure other parts of my life are running smoothly. Sorry if this is in the wrong place but I’m really not sure where or what or who or how or why.

Oh, um, suggestions and observations are welcome. I’m open to criticism. Unless you’re a troll, but I haven’t seen any here so I don’t think any of you are. Yay.

I see absolutely nothing to critisize! Even if you are both depressed, I would think that hanging out together sometimes would be helpful. When I am depressed, I actually feel worse when I am hanging out with a group of happy, well adjusted people. I think it would be helpful for two depressed people to hang out together because you can understand how it feels to be depressed. Just keep checking in on her periodically. That is probably helping her tremendously. Good for you for finding help for yourself and showing concern for someone in need!

[TishaBuv]

Hello and welcome to PC!

"A friend in need is a friend indeed." You are a good friend.

Although, because it's funny, I just want to add what my sister recently made up:
"A friend in need is a friend not needed"

[MickeyCheeky]

It's good that you're helping and supporting your friend.. You're a good person for that

[Solrock]

Oh my gosh. I was disconnected when I wrote this and even though it's all true I barely remember typing half of that. That cuss word? I'm don't even know what that word is!

Originally Posted by Hopingtrying

I see absolutely nothing to critisize! Even if you are both depressed, I would think that hanging out together sometimes would be helpful. When I am depressed, I actually feel worse when I am hanging out with a group of happy, well adjusted people. I think it would be helpful for two depressed people to hang out together because you can understand how it feels to be depressed. Just keep checking in on her periodically. That is probably helping her tremendously. Good for you for finding help for yourself and showing concern for someone in need!

That sounds great. Unfortunately this friend and I live across the country. We've met in person several times but we've never lived nearby each other.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Hello and welcome to PC!

"A friend in need is a friend indeed." You are a good friend.

Although, because it's funny, I just want to add what my sister recently made up:
"A friend in need is a friend not needed"

That sentence confused me. I thought it was indicator I was in fact not needed which is what I took out of my friend telling me she doesn't really like our telephone conversations. I take it personally and am quite frankly not sure if I should or shouldn't.

I realize this isn't all about me. But sometime she sounds like she doesn't need me and it can hard to tell if that's her depression talking or not. It's hard to be friends. Even though we've known each other for over ten years.

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

It's good that you're helping and supporting your friend.. You're a good person for that

I try to be, but I feel absolutely useless now. I feel like the simple fact of talking on the phone is so dull and boring for her that part of me frankly never feels like calling her again. (I mean there are other ways we keep in contact but still.) Maybe it's overreacting maybe it's not. I'm just very confused. Ugh.

I'm sorry you are so far away from her. For me, the phone just isn't the same either. Sometimes email seems a bit more intimate to me. Do you email her? My brother and sister live across the country so I understand how depressing it is to be so far away.

As far as the cuss word goes--I find it strange the PC changes the mildest cuss words into a bunch of astericks--It feels good to cuss when you are anonymous and depressed.

[Solrock]

Originally Posted by Hopingtrying

I'm sorry you are so far away from her. For me, the phone just isn't the same either. Sometimes email seems a bit more intimate to me. Do you email her? My brother and sister live across the country so I understand how depressing it is to be so far away.

As far as the cuss word goes--I find it strange the PC changes the mildest cuss words into a bunch of astericks--It feels good to cuss when you are anonymous and depressed.

Rarely do I email. We usually text or message on Facebook. We usually only email if we're sending something over.

The encouraging reception on this thread has been helpful so far. I'm starting to be convinced that I'm just taking the face she doesn't find phone call she not being fun way too seriously. I do have a habit of taking things the wrong way. I used to constantly do that. Maybe I did again?

[TishaBuv]

My sister twisted the saying of "A friend in need..." and I said it to joke, but of course it may ring true.

[Solrock]

I'd like to say I'm starting to feel better and my friend has improved to just feeling blue. I still want to keep an eye on her (as well as on myself) but I'm glad that it seems like I thought things were worse than they are.

Thanks for all the support everyone!