I want to live in a world where everyone accepts me exactly the way I am and never judged me and lets me be myself. I don't want to be what everyone wants me to be. I want to be me. But somehow that's a crime and I'll never be good enough. The world disagrees with me but I refuse to change who I am. There is nothing worse than the pain from criticism and the fact that I'm alone and always will be.

How do you love yourself when the rest of the world hates you?

[leejosepho]

Other than possibly in a monastery or a primitive, isolated culture somewhere, there is no such thing as a world where everyone accepts everyone else exactly as they are and never judges anyone and just lets everyone be himself or herself. Being true to ourselves is not a crime, however, and learning to endure the pain from criticism is part of what makes some of us uniquely qualified for providing for others as well as enjoying for ourselves the loving dynamic we had at first sought only for ourselves.

[MickeyCheeky]

If it bother you that much.. just think: does their opinion really matter that much?

You have to like yourself first.. that's the first thing

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

If it bother you that much.. just think: does their opinion really matter that much?

You have to like yourself first.. that's the first thing

I wish I could just not care...i wish I could stop envying those that belong and fit in...i just feel like I'm at war with the world and they all hate me...

thanks for the hugs thouvh

[alpacalicious]

There are two types of criticism:
1) others judge you because they want you to improve, for example a teacher that say comments about my thesis ("I don't like this part"), and she pointed to me errors, she is doing this without hurtful reasons;
2) others criticize you but their words aren't helpful, they say things like "you are too fat, you are ugly, your hair are messy...." etc, they make comments about everything they don't like
I think the people that judge you are the 2nd type based on your post. It's funny, because since young age, people tell children "you have to be yourself, stop acting like others!" but when a person acts like yourself, in a spontaneous way, some people start to tell them "you can't be like this, you can't act different, you are different than the norm!". And this is a contradiction....society tells us to be spontaneous, at the same time tells us to conform and to act like everyone else.
If you are happy with your behaviour, with your ideas and your lifestile, and if they don't cause any problems to other, then others judgements are irrelevant. Others can jdge us, there are people who like to talk about others, or to point out irrelevant flaws...this says more about who talks than about yourself

Questions for you to ponder: do you really think those you are envious of are happy with their own lot, and feel they fit in easily? Do you think they don't envy people themselves?

Even those that seem to have a perfect life are not entirely happy. They have their own anxieties, stressors, and worries about what people think of them, fitting in, relationship/firendship troubles, money, etc. They don't live perfect lives to be envious of.

You said you don't want to change anything yet at the same time complain that people don't like you for who you are. If you want to be accepted, you may just have to tweak or make some changes for that to happen. It is a sacrifice most of us have to deal with. In my case I have to force myself to smile all the time in public. It is hard to do. I have to nix the urge to complain in public. I have had to tighten my comfort zone. I have had to learn to be a conversationalist.

I want to add a third category to the above list of ciriticisms. Recognize 'constructive criticism' as an effort not to be hurtful yet an intention to be helpful. I face it and offer it all the time. Now is an example.

[venusss]

Well you cannot be yourself without changing any single things and at the same time fit in any given group. It's just not possible, so you need to let go of that expectation, otherwise you will not be happy.

As for changing yourself:

a) what traits of you annoy others? Are there soem that annoy most of the people, while some overlook them but nobody is really intruiged by them? Then these are harming you and you may want to change them.

b) then there are traits some will hate about you, but some will adore them. Like being loud, being nerdy-nerd, being passionate, being nicety-nice-goodie-two-shoes (believe me, there are people who are put off by that, even if many consider such people good and nice...). Then it's up to you. Maybe you need to tone it down at jobs and family reunions, because you don't want cause yourself unnecessary trouble.

Not everybody will like you. You don't have to trip over yourself to try to fit in... but accept the fact you are different from some and they will wonder about why you are such way. Some people are also snarky and teasing and they don't mean it in negative way.... it's just... how they are.

VENUSSS - I realy liked what you said.

I would add to that however that you also consider those characteristics of yourself you feel are positive and can perhaps play upon. What do you like about yourself that you wish others to recognize? Is there a way of drawing attention to these traits? Perhaps there may eben be something about you others themselves might envy.

You can make changes and still remain true to yourself - my learning to smile all the time is just such an example that resulted in a great deal of positivity. Speaking of positivity; the more you exude, the more will be returned to you.

Set some goals - they ought to be realistic, achievable, and measurable. In my case of smiling I couldn't make the change overnight.

Re-evaluate yourself and what is going on in your life. I spent so much time being envious and aggrivated at other people's lives that I forgot to stop and consider those traits that were good - like being creative, like writing, like having great relationships with my children, like personal strength.

Thanks everyone for the support and advice

[worrist]

I also struggle with criticism. For me, I take it very personal. That's where my problems start. For the most part, when someone is being critical of my work, I'm learning to accept that it's not me personally they are offering criticism to but to a process or project. From the person giving criticism, they are simply interested in improving that process or project. I constantly have to remind my self of that.

I know that my example is in a work context but the same can still be applied outside of work. Unfortunately for those of us that have issue with criticism, change is always happening. It's how we handle that change that defines us.

[Thunder Bow]

Constructive criticism helpful. Mean spirited accusations are not. You seem to be open to learning.

[Bill3]

(((((iPhone)))))



May you know full acceptance on this site, and may that acceptance give you strength and insight and resilience to withstand the mean-spirited judgments of those unhelpful, hurtful people that are in your life at the moment.

[worrist]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Constructive criticism helpful. Mean spirited accusations are not. You seem to be open to learning.

Well said.