All I can hear is the sound of silence in my room. All I can listen to is the talks in my head. My hands are so weak to write this. My body is so weak to do the simple tasks at home. I feel so hopeless and desperate, and tonight the feelings are in their worst. All I can do is just crying. Yes, I'm that weak. Anything small can throw me into despair. I'm not equipped for this life. Mentally and emotionally I'm so fragile, and immature. I tried to do things differently to no avail. At this point I'm really tired, and I just want to go. My existence has no meaning. I'm just a number. I have no self-worth. No self-respect. How could others value or respect me? Even my parents want to use me for their own happiness. This life makes me sick. I'm in a self-destruction phase now, and I don't believe anything or anyone can save me. I just hope the journey is short, and home is close.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry you feel hopeless.. I think there IS a solution.. don't give up yet. You're strong

[Gojamadar]

Originally Posted by Mr. Stranger

All I can hear is the sound of silence in my room. All I can listen to is the talks in my head. My hands are so weak to write this. My body is so weak to do the simple tasks at home. I feel so hopeless and desperate, and tonight the feelings are in their worst. All I can do is just crying. Yes, I'm that weak. Anything small can throw me into despair. I'm not equipped for this life. Mentally and emotionally I'm so fragile, and immature. I tried to do things differently to no avail. At this point I'm really tired, and I just want to go. My existence has no meaning. I'm just a number. I have no self-worth. No self-respect. How could others value or respect me? Even my parents want to use me for their own happiness. This life makes me sick. I'm in a self-destruction phase now, and I don't believe anything or anyone can save me. I just hope the journey is short, and home is close.

Hi Mr Stanger,
When your depression sets in sit down and count your blessings. You have the best part of your life yet to live, you're well educated and will be able to find something you enjoy doing.
You could be in someone elses shoes!
A man, nearing his 80th year diagnosed with terminal cancer, who finds himself short of time to do all the things he wanted to do, but perhaps neglected in the past, especially during a periodin in his life when he felt depressed, perhas in the same state you're in at present.
Hang on and your depression will fade. Think of the people you may be able to help in the future.. Cheer UP

Hi Mr. Stranger, I'm so sorry you're feeling so defeated today. I hope it gets better.

[DechanDawa]

Your depression probably won't fade because it is trying to tell you something about yourself. You are also experiencing suicidal ideation, which is normal because you are tired of not being able to find answers to your problems. Suicidal ideation seems like an option because you are mentally and emotionally exhausted, but it really isn't because you have already stated in other threads that you are not the type of person to go through with this because you actually fear death. So you are conflicting yourself by entertaining suicidal ideation when you really have no intention of committing suicide. However, having suicidal ideation means you are in a dangerous situation and in crisis and you really need to do something about this immediately.

You may try taking suicidal ideation off the table, even for a short time. This will force you into immediately finding better ways in which to cope. Even if it is doing one small thing such as the dishes, set a goal to do the dishes every single day. From there, add on. As the weather warms up you could add one walk per day. These may seem small but because you are presently without work you need to build structure into your day.

You need better ways to cope on a daily basis. From there you must assess if you might be in need of mental health support in the way of therapy, medication, or whatever. You might go to your primary care physician to rule out any physical reasons for your depression and anxiety. From there your primary care physician may make some recommendations.

You need to get your head out of the clouds. Philosophy is all well and good, but it is changes in lifestyle that make the difference.

You are definitely in crisis. You need immediate help. You really need to find help NOW. You can start by calling a crisis hotline. There are many available. You can go online and there are many listed.You can call more than one. These crisis hotlines are there specifically to help people in your situation.

You might also consider a sleeping tablet, either prescribed or OTC as it would be better to sleep at night instead of crying for hours and hours, or staying on forums all night.