[Marylin]

Today I felt angry and hated the world,I was in emotional pain and didn't want to go on with life.I saw the world as a horrible place,with pain,cruelty and greed ruling the roost.

I also found myself unbearable,couldn't bear myself.I had found an old adversary on Facebook,she had always made me feel inadequate,back in the day she pretended to befriend me then set about destroying my self esteem and confidence she was a bully and ostracized me and made everyone else look down on me.Now I see her on Facebook it made me so angry,she was posting all these spiritual sayings and making out she was a good person yet she is a hypocrite cos she didn't treat me with the goodness she claims is inside her.
In fact she made me drop out of university,was responsible for me getting date raped and then copied everything I was into,from being vegetarian to loving animals to left politics.

It has just dawned on me narcissists do that,having one close to home,I never thought this woman from my past might be one but she is.She got karma catch up with her I was diagnosed mentally ill in 1988 and she got diagnosed the same 2004.I got no satisfaction from that and tried to connect with her two years ago but she blanked me and I didn't realise looking her page up would affect me.

Back in the day I looked up to her and was in awe of her ,part of the reason I unravelled emotionally and mentally back then was because I compared myself to her and found myself lacking.She seemed to have a life that was full and thriving and she was confident in her sexuality whereas I was a shy virgin.
But she was the reason I got raped cos she was encouraging me to lose my virginity to this lad who wanted to sleep with me,I didn't want to but she kept encouraging him to make moves on me and one night he managed to make me go back to his room really late.The anger I felt today subconsciously was about all of that.I really want to rip her to pieces if the truth be told,I despise her and all that she pretends to be.I totally despise her.Seeing her on Facebook has stirred up memories of the humiliation she put me through and the humiliation of being raped and having the whole campus gossip about me and treat me like dirt.I am red with shame and rage.
I guess the saying is if you can feel it you can heal it I guess I am feeling it tonight.I don't want to feel bad,I want to heal and I want to let go of the hatred I feel for this woman she isn't worth it.

My past is going to keep catching up with me and spiritually I know I have to heal these old wounds which is why this woman has suddenly turned up in my head and search for her on Facebook.I only just opened an acccount and thought who shall I look for...and her name turned up a gift from God,like he was saying how about heal these old wounds,how about you see this charlatan for who she is and how about you acknowledge you are better or as good as her and she isn't more than you in any way,even if she has achieved things you want to and haven't yet.

So I am still in pain and how do I handle it?Cos it hurts so much and I feel like I am nothing and nobody worth knowing right now,and it makes me think hide and don't bother,nobody will ever accept you.You will embarrass yourself with a naive and ignorant comment people will respond with superiority and dismiss you,you will lose credibility and be rejected,so don't bother,even if you are a good woman and a kind,caring and generous friend people value intellectual smartness and wits more than that.And you are lacking in that area.And with these thoughts I write myself off.

That is so crap,I have intrinsic value and worth really and so I am abit stupid and slow people who reject me cos of that aren't worth knowing they really aren't.I hope today I have exorcised these demons from the past and got what this narcissist cow did to me out of my system.

I am still hurting but I will be ok,Trendy Tracy can't hurt me no more!

[Marylin]

I just posted these images about narcissism on her Facebook page,not sure why?I wanted to let her know I know she is a narcissist and a bully,she got me physically raped and ganged up with others to rape my mind,you don't get over that ever.30 years ago and I am still hurting and she is still giving me the silent treatment,so I dared to breach her stupid barriers and insist on having my say even though she gives me the silent treatment and acts like I am beneath her every time.I am going to let it go now.She isn't worth it.Guaranteed she will block me very soon.Good riddance to her and the **** she posts on Facebook I don't want to see it anyway.

Facebook can make me feel bad sometimes. I ignore most personal posts from my "friends". I use it mainly for news summary as it lists the news from different news networks in my news feed page. An easy and fast way to access news.

The world is full of hypocrites. Actually, it's one of the reasons why I prefer to be alone than being around those people. Too many wolves in sheep's clothing.