[JustMeMyself&I]

Hey everyone. I rarely post threads on this site, but when I do I really need it. So here goes, I'd like as many people as possible to at least give me their opinions and/or experiences, please. This means a lot to me. Please bother to read this.
I'm so sorry this is long.

I've been thinking about it a lot, probably for 3 years by now, but recently things have just been getting stronger and I'm thinking it through more and more.
I don't know if I may have any mental illnesses. But I don't know how to get about this.

I've been reflecting upon myself, and the way I am, the way I behave etc. and to me personally they seem like they could be pointing to something like social anxiety, general anxiety, depression (?), bipolar (?) maybe? I mean I naturally am a sad and pessimistic person who has moments of extreme sadness then extreme hapiness and carelessness, so I don't think the last two count idk. I don't know I'm very confused and just need closure and guidance.
Firstly I want to get across that I am not taking this lightly, but seriously. Through this, I do not want attention, I do not want to be treated like I'm special or something, I do not WANT myself to have these mental illnesses.
I don't believe in faking these things and treating them like a special trait.

I've been reading up on symptoms to these previously mentioned illnesses and have been taking countless internet tests to check the likelihood of me having them. Of course I am not saying I am self-diagnosing myself and I know you can't believe and trust these online things 100%. They are not accurate.
They just managed to convince me to believe my theories more. That I may actually have some mild form of anxiety or something.
I am 16, a teenager, but I don't want to get messages chalking everything up to hormones and teen mood swings and puberty of whatever else.

Some things I notice about myself is that it's almost like I am actually scared of people, or more specifically human interaction. Contact. Socialising. I have no problem with friends or family but when it comes to strangers or people I do not know very well, well, I get anxious. I know it probably sounds like nothing but...
Is it normal that I have a very hard time making eye contact with people, and when it happens with strangers or people I don't know well, my eyes automatically water and my face goes extremely hot? I even sweat sometimes and perhaps my heartbeat speeds up, I'm not sure but it is possible.
Ugh these really do sound liek nothing but I promise in teh moment and in person it is so much more scary and intense.

When it is time to talk in front of class or something, again, I know what I am saying and doing but I can't control myself; my eyes water like I am about to cry, my face really heats up, and I even begin tripping up my words sometimes. Of course being self aware of these things only make it worse. Even if a teacher asks me something in class, I can have this reaction. I'm not saying I have panic attacks (I doubt this counts as one, if so then probably mild). I'm just tired of being this way.
I am very socially awkward and shy with very low self esteem and very little confidence. I can never bring myself up to approaching people, no matter what it is for. And I absolutely hate phone calls.
Heck, even sometimes with my own friends I can feel very awkward and just...eugh. The idea of social gathering and events and making friend scares me so much, which is sad because I really do wish I could be outgoing and approach people and make friends. But It's like I mentally and physically just can't.

I don't know if it counts but I always worry a lot and believe the worst case scenario. I am very pessimistic.

I go to my GP and I even have a therapist if I can call it that. She tries to help me understand myself and control my thoughts using CBT but it hasn't worked tbh. She knows about me being socially awkward and that but she just draws it up to me being 'shy'.
That does not satisfy me. In a way that I am not certain.
I haven't told her ALL these things but.
again. I don't know how to talk about it.

How do you do it? Just ask for a diagnosis? WHAT DO I SAY?
How is it done, what happens? I'm scared I'll turn out to be a paranoid idiot, thinking I have a mental illness when in fact I'm just weird. Do I have a form of anxiety? Be it mild at least, perhaps? I don't know what to believe and I just don't think these reactions and behaviours are normal.

I just want some 'diagnosis', yes or no, definite and concrete, so I can feel secure about it and feel closure. So I can stop thinking about it. doubting myself. theorising. It's all I can think about right now.
What do I do?
Please help me.

I am sorry you are having these experiences. As you know however, we cannot offer diagnosis. In fact, I discourage you from trying to find it on the internet. If your current mental healthcare team isn't working for you I encourage you to look elsewhere. In the meantime what we can do is offer support. I am doing my best to be kind here I just can't give you the diagnosis you are looking for.

[TishaBuv]

I understand how you want a definitive answer. I am struggling with the same thing.

However, it doesn't really matter. Also, being only 16, I don't think they will prescribe you some meds that may be prescribed after you are at least 18, if needed.

I suggest just trying to come out of your shell a little more. Maybe acting class or Speech & Debate. I hope your social anxiety improves in time.

[QueenCopper]

You should definitely talk to your therapist and your parents or guardians. If and when you talk to them make sure they understand how important this is to you. We are here to support you but you need them as well. Good luck!!

[RainyDay107]

Definitely see a specialist. A psychiatrist. I read all your posts and you've been suffering for a long time and wondering what is wrong.

What to do: Just show the doctor this thread. Your first post at the top. And make a list of symptoms you feel...you've described various ones. Thoughts of death, feeling like you are meant to be sad, paranoia, etc. It's nothing to stress over - but I know it is hard. I assure you they won't be shocked - they have heard it before, be honest and don't hold back.

I'll share what my psychiatrist told me - he did diagnose me (see my signature) and he said a diagnosis is needed to optimally develop the best treatment plan for the patient. BUT, he said treating the symptoms is what really matters. It's true. It's not the label, it's knowing if you have a condition/illness, what it is - and then receiving help to ease your symptoms. I think there's an excellent chance you can feel much better IF you get evaluated and treated.

Please go get evaluated by a psychiatrist and keep us posted. Your GP and therapist don't sound qualified to diagnose you. I have experienced many of your symptoms and it could be any number of conditions. Time to find out, it will be OK. You can keep it private or we can support you if you keep us posted. I am certain that there are others that will be able to relate and we never judge. You've been here long enough to know that. =]

Your posts question over and over what is wrong, etc. I have a lot of ruminating thoughts from an anxiety disorder. Do you think over things ALOT, on other matters, too? Either way, I'm happy you posted. Yes, you sound anxious...anxiety doesn't feel good but it's not harmful. Get an appointment, please go! Get a name for a psychiatrist from your GP or therapist--you can do it.

[RainyDay107]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I understand how you want a definitive answer. I am struggling with the same thing.

However, it doesn't really matter. Also, being only 16, I don't think they will prescribe you some meds that may be prescribed after you are at least 18, if needed.

I suggest just trying to come out of your shell a little more. Maybe acting class or Speech & Debate. I hope your social anxiety improves in time.

Children are prescribed medications for many mental illnesses. She's at an age where many conditions develop ... I respectfully disagree.

[Marylin]

If it helps though I am not qualified to diagnose you but in my opinion you are suffering from social anxiety and maybe depression.Back in my day they called this social phobia which is a term that reflects how intense the fear of strangers and socialising is.I had it and still have to some extent and I have a history of being bullied and abused,I know people have emotionally wounded me a lot in the past to the point that I was scared of any contact with people I didn't know,and still to this day I am reluctant to meet with new people or socialise.It was at it's worst age from 18 to 24-28.

It does help to know how to get well if you know what your diagnosis is.You could approach your GP saying you think you have social anxiety and see if they can do a diagnostic test and offer CBT specialised to this condition,cos I think that is the treatment for it.

I hope you get the answers to your questions and wish you well overcoming this condition.