[connect.the.stars]

How do you cope with the sadness that comes from disappointing someone you love, but through no fault of your own?

I see myself constantly disappointing my significant other in ways such as crying too much from criticism, not breaking free from my controlling parents and letting them dictate what I do with my life, and my introverted personality type which makes me scared to approach people for help. He always ends up doing everything for me: consoling me, talking to strangers for me, waiting around for me to figure out how to communicate with my parents. I can tell it is getting to a straining point where he wishes I could fix these flawed aspects of myself, but I know my personality and crying are probably never going to change. I wish so much I could be someone else. Someone who was actually lovable and worthy of the time and effort it must be to even put up with me all the time. But I somehow can't stop the tears from flowing. I can't stop feeling guilty when I don't do what my parents want. I have come to realize I am a horrible person. I am not someone who deserves to be loved or have a normal undepressed life.

[woe-be-gone]

You are not a horrible person You are a person with your own opinions and views so not wanting to do what your parents want doesn't make you a horrible person. You do not need to do what they want. You get to do what you want and they get to do what they want. So, let's think about what you do what to do and use that as your springboard.

I completely relate to your feeling. I've been through it myself and am currently just at the verge of breaking free. It is a worthwhile journey to take.

So the sadness that comes from disappointing others... Well, if it's not your fault then there isn't anything to be sad about, is there? What you are feeling is empathy for the people who are disappointed in you. It is not your own sadness. You shouldn't feel guilty for other people's disappointments because it is not your job to make them happy. You live to make yourself happy and doing what others want will not make you happy. Try and reflect on what is actually causing that guilt you feel and that will help you.

We are always here to talk. You are not alone.

Are you in therapy?

If that is a resource you can't take advantage of find yourself a workbook. I am doing very well with my self directed CBT work. The ability to self-advocate has greatly improved. Much of that comes from an increase in self-worth and decrease in the negative automatic thoughts that seemed to run my life. Perhaps you can learn to do the same.

Change is not going to come over night. Set small incremental goals for yourself that are realistic - and reward yourself for attaining them.

[MickeyCheeky]

You deserve to be loved! When you're depressed,it's hard to see it, but trust me when I say that you are worth caring for.

Have you tried therapy?

[dlantern]

If it helps I admit fault no matter how ticky tacky it might be. If it is worth saving then you will do just about anything for everything to be okay.

[Open Eyes]

I think you should look into finding a therapist. I think your parents have instilled some challenges in you that has contributed to your challenge with low self esteem. It sounds like you have been experiencing or may have a history of CEN, childhood emotional neglect.