Have you ever made a decision that put you in a position where you can do almost nothing? I thought if I go home and be around family I will be less lonely than when I was in a foreign country, but I was wrong big time. I almost gave up my future and life for nothing in return after sacrificing years for better future. Now I feel lonely, hopeless, helpless and regretful. My father reminds me everyday how life here is better, although he himself lived in a foreign country for almost two decades to build his life.

I know why he says this. He wants me to stay around him to be a servant to his wishes. He doesn't care about me as an individual. He is afraid to be left alone, which isn't really my problem. People must know that their children are not theirs to manipulate and control. If they don't understand this, it is better not to have children. My father spends his days criticizing other people, and he is going crazy because of the social isolation. He spends hours "praying", while cursing others. Hypocritical. He thinks he is better than others to mingle with. He has this arrogant tone that he understands more than all others, and when he speaks he is not friendly with anyone. Because he has no social life, he annoys my mother in the kitchen interfering with what she is doing there!! He is putting himself in a corner socially because he is not willing to talk to others.

Anyway, I digress. It was OK for him to stay abroad to secure a better future, but not me. I cannot live like this, a puppet at someone's hands. Also, I was used to the life abroad such that life here seems very chaotic and miserable. People adapt here because they have no choice, and they are used to this way of life because they don't know another way. At the same time, everyone wishes to find a better place, and I bet all people wish to be in my shoes. Yet I made a stupid decision to return. No one else understands why I feel this way. I had an intuition that I won't be happy here, but I took the risk to feel connected and less lonely, but I was wrong. I am trying to find a way back, which isn't easy, but once I return I will try my best not to coma back here ever again.

[Open Eyes]

Mr. Stranger,

You have grown since you left home and now you are looking at your parents in a different light. Don't beat yourself up because you went back home, sometimes it's good to see things we may have not have noticed before, that is growth and it doesn't have to mean one made a mistake.

[Skeezyks]