[continuosly blue]

I'm going to make a very long story as short as possible. I could probably have posted this in many different forums. But I think it belongs in the emotional category. It's about dealing with very intense emotions. After 30yrs of a tumultuous marriage, for many different reasons, I was asked to leave my home. I did. I learned how to survive on my own. It wasn't easy. I went through a lot of changes. NO one in my family wanted to talk to me. Nobody cared if I lived or died. Because of a technical situation I had to continue contact at times with my ex. This led to a " possible getting back together situation " because " I had changed so much ". Of course all the problems of my life and family life were " my fault ". I was lonely so I went back. What I discovered was that the only person that changed was me. So after a full reinvestment back into my previous life here I sit , disillusioned, hurt, and confused. She won't go to couples therapy with me to discuss the issues. If I kept my feelings to myself and played the game everything would be fine. I just can't hold back how I feel. Right now I'm paralyzed . I can just leave . I have no friends. It would be a cold stone start over. Alone. I'm beginning to feel that that's the way it should be. I don't want much. Just true love and affection. If I can't get that , then I want to be alone and not have to deal with all the issues connected with being around people that have only their own agendas in mind. And just easily discard my feelings.
Much has been left out but I think you get the picture. She won't even discuss a way to deal with this. No communication. Just like before.
God , this really hurts.

[treevoice]

It sounds like you've done everything right, and if that wasn't enough, then maybe it is time to leave the situation. You were strong enough to try to work on yourself, that much is apparent by her willing to bring you back. But if she is not able or willing to take responsibility for her share of the problems in your marriage, then it comes to a point where you need to disengage lest you be sucked back in to the old pattern of doing things. Maybe a shock like that will make her realize she has work to do, as well. When everything is broken, sometimes starting from scratch is the healthiest thing for us, and it's never too late to rebuild your world. Wishing you love and healing. <3

[MickeyCheeky]

Sorry you feel this way. Must be terrible. treevocie is right, though: if this woman isn't going to collaborate and improve this relationship, then leaving is the best option. There's no point in wasting our time with toxic people.. I understand re-starting again might be painful, but I feel like it's the best thing to do in this case. You deserve better.

[Thunder Bow]

Best to live away from her again, on your own. It seems you got more than enough ability to do just that. you will be happier.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time. You deserve better than that. If two people are in a relationship and only one is willing to put in the necessary work to get it back on track, it makes for a very dysfunctional union. You'd be better off on your own. I feel for you. I hope you move on and find happiness elsewhere.

[continuosly blue]

Thank you all for your kind advice and wisdom. And what you guys are saying is that exact " hard truth " of the matter that I have to face. I know in my heart that I need to be away from this situation. I will evaluate my situation and start planning on what my options are. At least this time I will be leaving my " emotions " out of it . That much I have finally learned how to do. No yelling or screaming or crying my eyes out. I never want to desend into that hell again.
Again , thank you all