[rdgrad15]

There are things I hate more than rejection, and one of them is someone befriending me out of obligation or pity. But I still hate rejection, like most people do. One of the biggest problems for me is that I feel dumb or feel like I am made to look bad when rejected. Has anyone felt like they were made to look bad when rejected? For example, when I was in college, I was an Orientation Leader for incoming Freshmen. Well one year, we were conducting a fun event for the entire Freshmen class and we were assigned to groups. I went to help out my group and they totally closed me off and gave me weird looks.

This is to be somewhat expected since new students tend to be snobby since they are new and anxious and are still in the high school mentality. But the reason it bothered me so much is not just the fact that they rejected me, but it made me look bad. As Orientation Leaders, we were required to help out at all events or else we could be asked to leave campus until move-in day for the upperclassmen or pay a fine for every night we were there if we didn't perform our duties.

It was rather harsh but since we were allowed to move onto campus early for free to get ready for Orientation and Orientation Weekend itself, they wanted to make sure no one took advantage of the opportunity and slacked off and didn't attend any events like they promised they would. So that is why I was bothered by the rejection. Since I was not wanted by anyone, I had nothing to do and felt bad. I told some of the sponsors in charge of running Orientation and in charge of the Leaders that I wasn't feeling the greatest and asked if I could sit down for a bit.

I felt bad doing that since I never pretend to be sick but I felt like that was the only choice I had. I could have said something but I was afraid that would make me look bad too. So I sat out the rest of the event watching. I didn't get in trouble but still, I feel like it made me look bad. Same for work, I will offer to help someone since that is my job and when they say no, I feel like people who don't know what was going on will think I am just slacking off. Anyone have those experiences? How have you dealt with getting over the feeling of looking bad after being rejected? What examples do you have that involved you looking bad due to rejection? Just curious. Basically, I am afraid to look bad by being rejected when I know I am expected to help people, whether it is volunteer or a job.

[Oatter]

I think this is an ego issue. I had it for a short time. I realized that acceptance is not a zero sum game and ultimately being good ≠ being accepted for various reasons independent of me, eg. at a job interview I may be among the top candidates, but not be the right fit. Furthermore, not being the best doesn't mean being bad etc.

You should ignore/cut out of your life anyone who shames/ridicules you for being rejected.

[Sunflower123]

I think everybody has been rejected at one time or another and have felt embarrassed or that they look bad. It's not a good feeling. It's good you're willing to put yourself back out there knowing rejection doesn't come along often. Best wishes.