[pastelcarly]

Hi guys, so just a small background on me, I'm 20 years old and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 11 so feelings like these aren't new to me, but they are taking on a new role and going to a new level recently.

To make a long story short, in November my partner passed away. That was, understandably a horrific time in my life and I realized the true colors of the people around me. I made a lot of changes to my social group and really only have 3 friends at the moment, none of which I really hang out with. I've been trying so hard to meet new people both in person and on social networking sites, but after a few days or weeks they seem to get tired of me and disappear. This has happened countless times, and I've asked several of them what their reasoning for cutting off contact is but they never seem to have a clear answer.

Everytime I am in a social situation I just feel like everyone else around me is clicking and getting along great but I am the odd one out and the least liked...sorta like my experiences in school. As I mentioned, it reached a new level today. I finally made a friend who I have been chatting with for awhile. She was going to stop over tomorrow and bring 3 friends with her...no big deal, right? I have been an anxious mess ever since. I want to finally get out with a friend and just be social but I know they aren't going to like me and I don't want to be the odd one out, I just want to save myself the embarrassment because the rejection hurts more than the loneliness. Yet at the same time, the loneliness hurts a lot.

I'm sorry this ended up long, I'm just feeling so stuck and defeated right now. I would love any input on this, I am unsure of what to do next. Thanks.

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC. I'm sorry you've been feeling rejected. It's brave of you to keep reaching out. You may have just made contact with people that were not a good fit for you. It might not be you at all. Instead of assuming it will go badly what if you looked at it as the potential to make 4 good friends? I hope everything goes smoothly for you tomorrow. Best wishes.

[avlady]

i am sorry for you. i hope you keep up the courage to meet these new people. it is a big step to take!

[MickeyCheeky]

I can relate - the same thing happens to me when I try to hang out with people. Hang in there.. don't waste this opportunity just because other people weren't able to see your qualities. Act as natural as you can and if they like you, great, but if they don't, no big deal, ok?

[Teddy Bear]

Welcome to PC good luck with your new friend

[pastelcarly]

Thanks for the compassion, everyone. I was honestly a bit unsure of posting on here because I was worried I would get judged but I appreciate the warmth

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by pastelcarly

Everytime I am in a social situation I just feel like everyone else around me is clicking and getting along great but I am the odd one out and the least liked...sorta like my experiences in school.

Your past experiences (quite understandably) generated some challenging emotional energy within you and influenced you to adopt and consciously identify with a certain mindset. It resulted in leaving a significant 'impression' upon you (note, you exist independent of this 'impression'). The emotional energy from your past as well as a previously ingrained mindset absolutely can & will influence you to perceive your current circumstances and experiences in a certain (similar) light - which was shaped by your past. This is all very natural to experience by the way. The task at hand is for you to eventually transcend (bring yourself to rise above) your former condition and state of being. Current life experiences which remind you of the past and which generate similar feelings and emotional activity as in the past - this happens for an important reason. It's a direct sign & clear reminder that there is something present within you which is yet to be resolved and healed. Something which requires your attention and subsequent inner-work to address. Many people out there experience reoccurring and repeating 'cycles' of similar types of experiences, or you could say experiences which serve to generate similar/familiar feelings and emotions. Once there has been significant inner-work conducted and subsequently a newfound state of awareness has been integrated - then the repeating/reoccurring 'cycles' will naturally come to an end.... You will have experienced tremendous growth as a result...

~wolfgaze