Stress, and Dreading Stress

Hi,

I wasn't sure where to post this, so apologies if I'm in the wrong spot! I suffer from anxiety and depression and am a recovering alcoholic (3 years sober). I've gotten to a point in my life where I am fairly well managing these issues homeopathically, but I have a lot of stressors coming up and I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. I apologize in advance if this is a bit long, I just feel like I need to spill my guts a little bit. Any suggestions you may have for coping with stress would be greatly appreciated!

I have a very stressful job at which I wear a lot of different hats. I work overtime nearly every single day trying to keep up with my day to day duties. I don't mind too much because I enjoy my work, but it has gotten to a point that I can't keep up anymore. I cried for help to my boss, and she hired an assistant to help me get caught up and take some things off my plate. Well, that's not working out. This new person is causing me a lot more work because she isn't grasping what I'm trying to teach her (not sure if I'm just bad at training or if it's her skill level that's lacking), and she's very unreliable (almost always late). My boss sees this problem unfolding, but due to other big changes happening at the same time, is unwilling to do anything about it. These other big changes involve a large chunk of my department leaving the Company, and so now I'm being tasked with helping to fill in the gaps. So not only is my help not helping, I'm getting even more dumped on my plate. All of that is stressful enough, but my husband is also heart-set on moving to a new state next spring. I would love to move, get a new job, etc, but this is a huge undertaking that has a bazillion stressors as well. On top of that, he suffers from PTSD after two suicides in his family over the last 4 years, so he becomes incredibly volatile (not abusive, but emotionally unpredictable) when stressed. I feel like I understand clearly that if I can survive the next year, things will be much better. I will be living in a cheaper area, so I will be able to afford to take a pay cut and do some less stressful work. But, how on earth am I going to survive the next year?

This is what I currently do to manage my stress levels: walk my dog, eat as healthy as I can manage (sugar/caffeine causes me anxiety), do yoga when I can find time, meditate when I can find time, herbal teas/supplements, etc. But I'm finding myself with less and less time and energy to practice these things. I can't get through these long days without caffeine, I end up eating things I know I shouldn't because I don't have time/energy to prepare healthy alternatives or I end up eating whatever I'm offered. I need every minute of sleep I can get, so I've sacrificed the time I used to set aside for yoga/meditation just for a few more moments rest. I can't quit my job because we need the income in order to make this move happen. I've asked to postpone moving in order to first focus on the issues with work, but even suggesting delaying any further causes my husband to spiral out and he is not at good at self care as I am. He is desperate to get somewhere new, and I understand why.

I think I can handle this. I'm ready to try. I know I only have to get by long enough to cross the finish line and then I can rest. But I'm not sure how to take care of myself with less and less time/energy to do so, and I can already feel my old enemies anxiety and depression beginning to manifest more strongly. Does anyone have any suggestions on coping mechanisms with limited time to devote to self care?

Thank you for listening. <3

I encourage you to prioritize self care. If you burn out or breakdown, nothing will get done. I also encourage you to figure out what you can delegate and talk with your assistant about picking up the pace. Good luck and best wishes.

It is time to take more control of those situations. Time to take care of yourself more, and stand up for yourself more. Talk to your husband about the move. In both situations I see people trying to control you. Take more control now.

The one time in my life I ever had a formal therapist was when I was in highschool, and the one thing I remember clearly about our sessions is that he called me a "benevolent victim". I am self aware enough to realize that I'm being taken advantage of, but I tend to make the decision to allow it to happen because I feel like I am doing the right thing by doing any and everything I can to support other people. That's why I let work push me around - I'd rather be overloaded than have my coworkers have to take on more work (pretty much everyone here is overloaded, to be honest). I let my husband decide the course of our lives not because I don't see that he is taking control from me, but because I've made the decision that I want to do any and everything I can to make him happy.

So, I know that you are right, and I am trying to work on myself in whatever ways I can during this time. In fact, I took your advice and talked to my husband about moving, and we are going to put that plan on hold for now. But at the end of the day, I would rather work on strengthening myself and empowering myself to overcome these challenges rather than asking the world to adapt to my shortcomings.

Maybe I'm totally wrong for doing so, but standing up for myself (except when I believe it to be necessary), generally just makes me feel selfish and self-loathy. Maybe that's the next challenge I need to overcome.

Thank you both for your feedback, it is very appreciated. <3

Remember if you do not take care of yourself 1st. then you are unable to take care of others.