[mc2ed]

I can't contain it....anymore...so I open this blank square...prepared to fill it in.....fill it up...let it overflow from my fingertips...I come and read words...the world is full of angst...I even sometimes respond....then come back and erase...my words...my thoughts...my....self......I do not want to offer the banal...I wish to tear at the meat and reach the bone....or rather....that layer that touches the heart....how hard it is....to really touch the heart....to pull aside all of the barriers and boundaries....the ones planted from society and the mores of our parents and the ones we construct....often a maze of a life's twisted conceptions...that hold all the weight of every bit of doubt and darkness ever filtered through out thoughts...the mind creating a barrier beyond outside dismantling....only from within...can that wall be breached.....at some level of origin...we KNOW this...or I KNOW this...and I try....I reach out...a thought formed from the keys sitting on my desk.....I try....yet apparently only in that moment...that singular moment in a life....when I look....and find a willingness to bare what is....hoping for strength...or just a witness.....and then...that moment passes....the world reminds....it is only a jumble of letters...strung across a page....caught in the web....I feel the struggle for release....and then....I am my own spider...pulling the those ties from within...taunt....binding my own self in the destruction...starving....starving....starving....holding in stillness....watching the essence of life.....stifled by my own body......my foot......on my own throat....holding me in hell.........

[Fuzzybear]

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Sending big hugs.